Posted on 01/12/2002 3:55:44 PM PST by jslade
The South......Like it or we will kick your ass!
Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
Don't laugh at our Southern names. (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther, Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, etc.) These people have all been known to kick ass.
Don't order a bottle of pop of a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, or whatever - it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.
We know out heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass.
We have plenty of business sense (e.g. Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI Worldcom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g. Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We can still kick your ass.
Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass.
We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up, spend your money, and get the hell out of here - or we'll kick your ass.
Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God intended. Don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass. Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked.
Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a damn. Many of us have visited hellholes like Detroit, Chicage, L.A., and D.C., and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Take your ass home before it gets kicked.
Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your ass.
Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes have caught fire like scenic Lake Erie once did. Whine about OUR scenic beauty, and we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.
Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say "sir" and "ma'am", hold doors open for others, and offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.
So you think we're quaint or we're losers because most of us like in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or L.A. Make fund of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass.
Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here trying to tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot off (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Questions our sacred BBQ, and you'll go home in a pine box -minus your ass.
Y'all have a nice day!
I'm sure that not ALL Southerners are as gauche / moronicly regonalistic, as some on FR are.
Honey it sounds like you brought your man with you. If you aint from around heah, the next best thing is to have a southern man.As a former yankee, I will testify that there is nothing sweeter than a southern man in love. Nor anyone more deadly. Dont make the mistake of thinking the drawl or the smile means a stupid/placid/peacefull person. He will kick @ss over an insult.I would never let my daughter get involved with a yankee. She can pick a cowboy or a cracker or a southern man, but no other type deserves her.
You ARE a Yankee.....
If you add sugar to your cornbread.
You don't know what a hush puppy is.
I was very amused by the postings on Southern Humor. The one thing southerners have is an excellent sense of humor. But you Northeners are pretty funny too! You elected Billary Rodent Clinton and allow her to live in your state. Guess you should not drink Chardonnay and vote.
I have been as far North as New York as far South as Jamaica as far west as California and as far East as Germany and I have never found anywhere to be as nice as South Carolina. The people are nice and polite unless they are transplanted yankees .
A southerner will be polite right up to the point where he shoots you. Be careful when spouting about how you did it where you come from we do not give a damn.
Lewis Grizzard, a great American, tried to extol through his column that was syndicated nationwide the beauty of the masters golf tournament and how football was much more important than life or death. He did a right fine job. Lord we miss you Mr lewis.
My daughter will be proud of her Southern Heritage and be careful because her Daddy will teach her to shoot the balls off a gnat at 100yds so she will have no problem hitting anything that small from up North.LOL!
We can play golf in the winter and shagging has nothing to do with a parody of a British spy. Come to see us in Mytrle Beach Leave your money and then go home I will still be arrogantly shabby at Pawleys Island.
I saw one posting that said we lost the war of Northern Agression, I was not aware it was over ,this is just halftime.LOL!
So lets review DO NOT MESS WITH SOUTH CAROLINA OR WE WILL KICK YOUR ASS!!! Unless you are from OHIO then we will kick it twice, two years in a row!! Go GAMECOCKS!!!!!!! You do know what a Gamecock is do'nt you? An Ass-kickin Chicken!!!! ROFLMAO Right Ohio State Buckeyes LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
I spent three years in Jr High at PS 193 Whitestone, Long Island, Queens NY, NY. The only kid my size was from Dallas, and between us we kick the sh!% out of every boy in the school!
I may look Donald up and see if they are having a 40 year reunion and we can come up and do it again!
Guess so-she hasnt replied!Hey any time a yankee goes back North is worth celebrating!
Well, shoot, up here in Northern Land, we have both, so I wasn't sure what ya'll have down there in Dixie, you can have this wind, that's for sure, ugghhhh :)
You could still get them in Georgia not so long ago, although the place we used to buy them was closed down last itme I was there, August I think.
Another real good snack that I've never seen anywhere but Virginia is those little lemon chess tarts. You can get pecan and sometimes even coconut, but the lemon chess were the best.
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