Posted on 01/10/2002 8:18:48 AM PST by Liz
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,
"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man, "There is more than one type?"
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size colour and material imaginable.
"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied, "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?"
Now befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The saleslady responded, "It is all quite simple."
1. "The Catholic type supports the masses."
2. "The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen."
3. "The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright."
4. "The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills."
Right. PC rules at DU.
I don't get it.
Poor Brian had spent his live making wrong decisions. If he bet on a horse, it would lose; if he chose one elevator rather than another, it was the one he chose that stalled between floors; the line he picked before the bank teller's cage never moved; the lane he chose in traffic crawled; the day he picked for a picnic was the day of a cloudburst; and so it went, day after day, year after year.
Then once, it became necessary for Brian to travel to some city a thousand miles away and do it quickly. A plane was the only possible conveyance that would get him there in time, and it turned out that only one company supplied only one flight that would do. His heart bounded. There was no choice to make; and if he made no choice, surely he could come to no grief.
He took the plane. Imagine his horror when, midway in the flight, the plane's engines caught fire and it became obvious the plane would crash in moments.
Brian broke into fervent prayer to his Favorite saint, Saint Francis. He pleaded, "I have never in my life made the right choice. Why this should be, I don't know, but I have borne my cross and have not complained. On this occasion, however, I did not make a choice; this was the only plane I could take and I had to take it. Why, then, am I being punished?"
He had no sooner finished when a giant hand swooped down out of the clouds and somehow snatched him from the plane. There he was, miraculously suspended two miles above the earth's surface, while the plane spiraled downward far below.
A heavenly voice came down from the clouds. "My son, I can save you, if you have in truth called upon me."
"Yes, I called on you," cried Brian. "I called on you, Saint Francis."
"Ah," said the heavenly voice, "Saint Francis Xavier or Saint Francis of Assisi. Which?"
Try saying the bunch of slaveholding megalomaniacs who seceded from the U.S. to begin the Civil War were traitors.
Just try.
ROTFLMCO....now that's funny........
He shoulda replied.....Xavier? Assisi? I was praying to both.
I don't get your "I don't get it."
AB
The first guy says to the others in a loud voice," I think I want to move to California, there are only 100 Catholics living there." The second guy speaks up and says, "I'm gonna move to Washington, there are only 50 Catholics living there." The third guy speaks up and says, "I want to move to Idaho, there are only 5 Catholics living there."
At that point, one of the nuns turns around, locks eyes with the third guy, and calmly says...
"Why don't you go to hell, there aren't any Catholics there!"
Cute!
After the first grading period, everyone was amazed. He turned his F's into A's.
At the parent-teacher conference, the parents asked the nun how he had done so well. She really didn't know so they asked the boy how his attitude had changed so much.
He said, "When I started this school everyone told me how hard it would be and I knew I'd have to work harder than I ever did. But I didn't really understand how difficult it could be until I saw that man nailed to the plus sign above the blackboard!!"
True, but I've seen people - myself included - get flamed here more than once for letting a little humor fly. Loved the joke, though.
What would that prove? That is the PC version. The truth is, they proved the Constitution ain't worth the paper it's written on.
And it wasn't a "civil war." They were not attempting to take control of the nation; they had the audacity to think they could just leave to form their own more perfect union, and the U.S. conquered them.
Don't you fret none; I was once a victim of my Yankee public education, too. I thought everyone flying a Dixie flag was a racist and/or a traitor. It was only recently that I found the truth. You can, too.
Since you asked.
Abie and Reuben were walking by a Catholic church and saw a sign,
" Convert to Catholicism, we'll give you $200." Abie says, " The bagel business is really bad. I could sure use the $200. I think I'll convert."
Abie looks at him disgustedly and says, " Money? Is that all you people think about?"
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