1. Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hrs a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them they'll kick your a**.
2. Don't laugh at our Southern names. (i.e., Merlene, Bodie, Ovine, Luther Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, etc.) These people have all been known to kick a**.
3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here its called coke. Nobody gives a flying d**n whether its pepsi, RC, Dr Pepper, 7Up or whatever - its a coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an a** kicking.
4. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g., Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies or we'll kick your a**.
5. We have plenty of business sense (e.g., fred Smith of FedEx, Turner Broadcasting, Wal-Mart, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgement (e.g., Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes, Clinton). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough t let someone move to our state in order to run for the senate. If someone tried to do that we would kick their a**.
6. Don't laugh at our /Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving we will kick your a**.
7. We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut up, spend your money, and get the h**l out of here - or we'll kick your a**.
8. Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will know instantly that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended - with gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your a**.
9. Don't fake a southern accent. This will incite a riot and you will get your a** kicked.
10. Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited northern hell holes like Detroit, Chicago, and D.C., and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Take your a** on home before it gets kicked.
11. Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone or we'll kick your a**.
12. Don't complain that the south is dirty and polluted. None of our lakes have caught fire like scenic Lake Erie once did. Whine about our scenic beauty and we will kick your a** all the way back into Boston Harbor.
13. Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say "sir" and "ma'am", hold doors open for others, and offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilizede people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grannies or they'll kick some manners into your a** just like they did ours.
14. So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense not to live in smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York, Baltimore, or St. Louis. Make fun of our fresh air and we'll kick your a**.
15. Last but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here trying to tell us how to cook barbeque. This will get your a** shot off (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our sacred barbeque, and you go home in a pine box - minus your a**.
30) Repost the same jokes with a different title!
LOL! Oops! Sorry about that.
Two reasons I have great respect for southern folk of the better persuasion, even if I can't figure out what the hell they're trying to say for a minute or two.