Creators Admit Unix and C++ a Hoax

Some computer guys with too much free time (Humor) | 1996 | J.M.O.

[capt. norm]

CREATORS ADMIT UNIX, C HOAX

UNIXWORLDWEEKLY 4/1 p.1

In an announcement that has stunned the computer industry, Ken Thompson, Dennis Ritchie and Brian Kernighan admitted that the Unix operating system and C programming language created by them is an elaborate April Fools prank kept alive for over 20 years.

Speaking at the recent UnixWorld Software Development Forum, Thompson revealed the following:

"In 1969, AT&T had just terminated their (Bell Labs) work with the GE/Honeywell/AT&T Multics project. Brian and I had just started working with an early release of Pascal from Professor Nichlaus Wirth's ETH labs in Switzerland and we were impressed with its elegant simplicity and power.

Dennis had just finished reading Bored of the Rings, a hilarious Harvard Lampoon parody of the great Tolkein Lord of the Rings trilogy. As a lark, we decided to do parodies of the Multics environment and Pascal.

Dennis and I were responsible for the operating environment. We looked at Multics and designed the new system to be as complex and cryptic as possible to maximize casual users' frustration levels, calling it Unix as a parody of Multics, as well as other more risque allusions.

Then Dennis and Brian worked on a truly warped version of Pascal, called 'A'. When we found others were actually trying to create real programs with A, we quickly added additional cryptic features and evolved into B, BCPL and finally C, becoming the first programming language named after a Sesame Street character.

We stopped when we got a clean compile on the following syntax:

for(;P("\n"),R-;P("|"))for(e=C;e-;P("_"+(*u++/8)%2))P("| "+(*u/4)%2);

To think that modern programmers would try to use a language that allowed such a statement was beyond our comprehension! We actually thought of selling this to the Soviets to set their computer science progress back 20 or more years.

magine our surprise when AT&T and other US corporations actually began trying to use Unix and C! It has taken them 20 years to develop enough expertise to generate even marginally useful applications using this 1960's technological parody, but we are impressed with the tenacity (if not common sense) of the general Unix and C programmer.

In any event, Brian, Dennis and I have been working exclusively in Object Pascal on the Apple Macintosh for the past few years and feel really guilty about the chaos, confusion and truly bad programming that have resulted from our silly prank so long ago."

Major Unix and C vendors and customers, including AT&T, Microsoft, Hewlett-Packard, GTE, NCR, Bull (formerly Honewell), and DEC have refused comment at this time.

Borland International, a leading vendor of Pascal and C tools, including the popular Turbo Pascal, Turbo C and Turbo C++, stated they had suspected this for a number of years and would continue to enhance their Pascal products and halt further efforts to develop C.

An IBM spokesman broke into uncontrolled laughter and had to postpone a hastily convened news conference concerning the fate of the RS-6000, stating 'a stable VM will be available Real Soon Now'.

In a cryptic statement, Professor Wirth of the ETH institute and father of the Pascal, Modula 2 and Oberon structured languages, merely stated that P. T. Barnum was correct.

In a related late-breaking story, usually reliable sources are stating that a similar confession may be forthcoming from William Gates concerning the MS-DOS and Windows operating environments. And IBM spokesmen have begun denying once again that the Virtual Machine (VM) product is an internal prank gone awry.

Comments

(copyright jmo 1991/1996)

[capt. norm]

Thought my fellow computer geeks might enjoy this.

[isthisnickcool]

P. T. Barnum was correct.

P.T. Barnum? Correct about what? That "there is a sucker born every minute?" If that's what's being referred to Barnum never said that.

[synarch]

"You can fool some of the people... 4/1

[Libertarianize the GOP]

bump

[Lazamataz]

We stopped when we got a clean compile on the following syntax:

for(;P("\n"),R-;P("|"))for(e=C;e-;P("_"+(*u++/8)%2))P("| "+(*u/4)%2);

LOL!

[Jefferson Adams]

Creators Admit Unix and C++ a Hoax

I knew it!!! I knew it!!!

Actually I read this back when it was first written and LOL :)

[Scythian]

That article is complete hogwash, give me a break, only somebody who didn't know how many context switches a cross context call running in a COM+ distributed transaction would occur via a multithreaded apartment call to a single apartment object triggered would write such a stupid artcle.

[annalex]

I had to replace R- with R-- and e- with e--, otherwise it won't compile.

[Cultural Jihad]

If that's what's being referred to Barnum never said that.

Then who?

[Cultural Jihad]

for(;P("\n"),R-;P("|"))for(e=C;e-;P("_"+(*u++/8)%2))P("| "+(*u/4)%2);

Good grep!

[SoDak]

Good one. My hop enjoyed it. As I configure my new RS/6000.

[SoDak]

Make that my SHOP enjoyed it.

[SteveH]

I believe the part about Un*x being a practical joke; however, the parts about throwing in VM(TM), Pascal, C++, and (especially) Windows(TM) is clearly over the line and inappropriate in my opinion.

As for C, it is, of course, short for either "computer conspiracy" or "CIA", take your pick.

And we have already been assimilated :-/.

[Fiddlstix]

for(;P("\n"),R-;P("|"))for(e=C;e-;P("_"+(*u++/8)%2))P("| "+(*u/4)%2);

Good grep!

LOL

[JRandomFreeper]

how many context switches a cross context call running in a COM+ distributed transaction would occur via a multithreaded apartment call to a single apartment object triggered

I think reading that gave me an aneurism.

/john

[zeugma]

Good God man! What did it do???

Grep 'em 'till they awk, then let root sort the results.

[Michael Barnes]

Creators Admit Unix and C++ a Hoax

I am not a hoax damnit!

[Arkie2]

Would that be like 6 guys in one apartment calling a girl in another apartment and all asking for a date? If it's not, then I'm really confused!

[Don Joe]

"I believe the part about Un*x being a practical joke;"

Actually, it was created by Bell Labs as a prop for the film, "The President's Analyst." When they found out that the film did not present the phone company in a particularly favorable light, and thus realized that the prop was not going to do them much good as a product placement item, they went out of their way to endow it with as much confusion, awkwardness, and outright evil as humanly possible. (At least, as "humanly" possible for a phone company, that is.)

[isthisnickcool]

Then who?

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