Ann Coulter: When Johnny comes slinking home

WorldNetDaily ^ | 12/12/2001 | Ann Coulter

[Pokey78]

We can only hope the government will deal with California Talibanist John Walker as harshly as it did with Elian Gonzalez.

Encouraged by his indulgent liberal boomer parents to find his own spiritual path, Walker responded predictably – and quickly became a walking left-wing cliché. The one spiritual path it is absolutely positively certain Walker could never have chosen is one founded in Scripture.

In his hometown of Fairfax, Calif., the conventional spiritual paths include Taoism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, Sufism, Rastafarianism, Native American spirituality and voodoo. But according to the Boston Globe, "only 12 percent of residents attend traditional churches or synagogues."

Walker's mother left Christianity to become a Buddhist. At his "alternative" school, Walker was steeped in Native American spirituality. He was named after John Lennon. If there were a goofy cult that prescribed eating your own excrement, liberals would ponder its deeper meaning and treat it with respect. The only thing John Walker could have done to shock the neighbors would have been to take off and follow Bob Jones.

Alas, Walker was no nonconformist. It was "The Autobiography of Malcolm X" that shook him to the core at age 16, persuading him to become a Muslim.

Has anyone read "The Autobiography of Malcolm X"? Here's a passage in which Mr. X describes his own education in Islam, as taught by his brother Reginald, whose "approach was so effective":

"The white man is the devil."

He told me that all whites knew they were devils -- "especially Masons."

I said, "Without any exception?"

"Without any exception."

"What about Hymie?"

"What is it if I let you make 500 dollars to let me make 10,000?"

After Reginald left, I thought. I thought. Thought.

Yes, that is something to think about. (I always knew there was something funny about those Masons.) This was the turning point in Walker's spiritual journey.

He became a Muslim and ended up fighting with the Taliban against America. (Maybe this conflict does have something to do with Islam.) While studying at an Islamic school in Pakistan, he said he met "many people connected with the Taliban" and his "heart became attached to that." The Taliban may execute people for sport, blow up thousand-year-old Buddhist statues, treat women like goats (and vice versa) -- but at least they aren't sneaky Luciferian Masons!

With the deep grounding he found in Islam, Walker couldn't even settle on a name for himself. He called himself variously "Sulayman Al-Lindh," "Sulayman Faris" and – his nom de jihad – "Abdul Hamid." (So it's not quite accurate to say – as various news outlets do – that he "goes by his mother's last name." He goes by a lot of names, none of them "Walker.")

Now there's the question of what to do with this perfect fruition of phony left-wing non-judgmentalism.

Since the government that stole Abdul's heart is not a signatory to the Geneva Convention, he could be shot. But the government he was fighting against is too nice to do that. America abides by the Geneva Convention even in conflicts with belligerents who do not. (It comes with the territory of being the Great Satan.) Consequently, if Abdul is treated simply as a POW, he is entitled to be repatriated when the war is over.

He could also be tried for treason. As defined in the Constitution, treason consists of "levying war against" the United States, "adhering" to America's enemies or giving them "aid and comfort." Taking up arms against the United States on the side of the Taliban is, as the movie title says, "as good as it gets."

Though the Constitution requires only "two witnesses to the same overt act" for a treason conviction, thanks to the miracle of television, there are millions of witnesses to Abdul's treason.

Indeed, it appears that Abdul's only defense to treason – apart from the Ezra Pound insanity defense – is to claim that he has already renounced his U.S. citizenship. He has certainly committed one of the predicate acts for a loss of citizenship under federal law by "entering, or serving in, the armed forces of a foreign state ... engaged in hostilities against the United States." The law also requires him to prove, however, that he did so "with the intention of relinquishing United States nationality." There is scant evidence for that.

The only downside to a trial in the United States is that it would be a trial in the United States. It's interesting that wide swaths of the public instantly warm to the idea of any proceeding for suspected terrorists and traitors – other than a criminal trial. All you have to do is invoke the name "O.J."

A win-win solution might be to turn Abdul over to the justice system of the natives. Abdul was a prisoner during the uprising in which CIA agent Michael Spann was killed. Having laid down their arms, the mutinous prisoners are not protected under the Geneva Convention. If Abdul participated in the uprising, he may have violated Afghan criminal law.

The new Afghan government is likely not to be so punctilious about evidence and procedure as the Great Satan is. But at least Abdul could rest assured that there would be absolutely no Masons on the jury.

[M. Thatcher]

"phony left-wing non-judgmentalism". I assume she means "left-wing phony non-judgmentalism" but that she was writing it an hurry ...

Her wording is correct, as would be: "phony left-wing tolerance" or "mindless left-wing disruption" or the like.

[Kryptonite]

No. Appears you would rather see Ann behind a burkha begging in the streets.

I'd like to see Johnny Jihad meet his fate under Islamic law, in his chosen country, whatever it may be on the day he is put on trial. Seems Ann agrees with me.

[Focault's Pendulum]

. If there were a goofy cult that prescribed eating your own excrement, liberals would ponder its deeper meaning and treat it with respect.

I need a de-programmer. My dog is acting kinda funny since I took away that stuff that makes it's own gravy.

[ConsistentLibertarian]

Usually people try to restrict the scope of modifiers to the things they modify. YMMV and probably does.

[Huusker]

Ann nails 'em again. Conservative with spunk, I love her! And she's a babe too.

[M. Thatcher]

Usually people try to restrict the scope of modifiers to the things they modify.

Usually people try to restrict the scope of their comments to subjects they know. You, apparently, are an exception.

[ConsistentLibertarian]

"Seems Ann agrees with me." Maybe there's a business opportunity here -- People could pay, say $25, over the Net and give a one line statement, and Ann would mail back a photo of her holding a budweiser with the provided caption underneath.

[drew]

While Ms. Coulter gets a definite "harrumph!" from me, I'm afraid she left out an important part of "The Autobiography of Malcolm X." I too read this book and it had a great impact on me, though not in the manner of Whacko Walker. The most interesting aspect of the book is that it captures Malcolm X's evolution, from small time hustler to spokesman for black nationalism. What's interesting is that the main part of that evolution took place as Alex Haley and Malcolm were working on the book. Indeed, Malcolm relates his conversion to the Nation of Islam and its beliefs that the white man is the devil, but by the end of the book Malcolm undertakes a "haj" to Mecca and comes back with the belief that not only is the white man not the devil, but that the beliefs engendered in the Nation of Islam were contrary to orthodox Islam. Of course, he believed that true Islam was the path to realizing true brotherhood, but it was clear that by the end of his life Malcolm no longer subscribed to the insane race theories he believed as a minister of the Nation of Islam (and because of his repudiation of the Nation, Louis Farrakhan had him assasinated).

[Virginia-American]

I agree with Ann: let the Afghans punish, in their own traditional manner (hehehe), all of the foreigners who have helped to tyranzie them. I've made the analogy on other threads, but I'm thinking of how the Italians redeemed some of their honor by hanging the Duce from a lamppost.

[ConsistentLibertarian]

If you don't watch for the scope of the modifier, you introduce an ambiguity into the text. If you make sure that modifiers have the same grammatical scope as the things they modify, you eliminate the ambiguity. I think it's better to give here and say "big deal" rather than to dig in your heals and mount an all out defence. But it's your call.

[The Drowning Witch]

Mmmmmmmmmmmm.....Ann Coulter....AUAUWUWUAUAGAUGAUAHHAUAAAAA..
(Head rolls back, drooling like Homer Simpson)

Sorry Pokey, I didn't make it past the photo at the beginning of the column....

[M. Thatcher]

dig in your heals

You clearly need an editor. I am one by trade. At your service.

[ConsistentLibertarian]

There are incompetent people in every profession.

[Senator Pardek]

Physician, heel thyself.

[M. Thatcher]

True. But I'm not one of them.

Every one of your grammatical assertions on this thread is incorrect. Anne's wording is correct. She wins, you lose, go back to your cave.

[sakic]

Encouraged by his indulgent liberal boomer parents to find his own spiritual path, Walker responded predictably – and quickly became a walking left-wing cliché. The one spiritual path it is absolutely positively certain Walker could never have chosen is one founded in Scripture.

This seems to be saying that the only way one would choose the correct religion is if one is forced into it. That doesn't speak well for the correct religion.

[Focault's Pendulum]

but by the end of the book Malcolm undertakes a "haj" to Mecca and comes back with the belief that not only is the white man not the devil, but that the beliefs engendered in the Nation of Islam were contrary to orthodox Islam. Of course, he believed that true Islam was the path to realizing true brotherhood, but it was clear that by the end of his life Malcolm no longer subscribed to the insane race theories he believed as a minister of the Nation of Islam (and because of his repudiation of the Nation, Louis Farrakhan had him assasinated).

Oh Thank You For That!!! Except for the Farrakhan part, (which has never been proved...yea I know!) I have been waiting for someone to address this issue. If anyone doesn't have the time to read the book, rent the video X. It follows the book as well as any movie can follow a book, but the conclusions are the same!!!!

So Walker was influenced by the book!???!!! Sounds like like someone who might test poorly in reading skills.

[Kryptonite]

I never knew libertarians were against women and Budweiser. That's an eye opener.

[VeritatisSplendor]

he also left the Nation of Islam because of the corruption of the leader (not Farrakhan at the time) who was indulging himself with financial rake-offs and sexual relations with female followers.

Mrs VS

[ConsistentLibertarian]

So far, your argument is "I'm an editor". Let's take cases. Suppose someone pretends to be both left wing and non-judgemental. One might comment on the "phony left-wing non-judgmentalism." Second case: A bona fide left-winger pretends to be non-judgmental. So as to distinguish this case from the first, one might comment on the "left-wing phony non-jugmentalism". Scope is a powerful tool for creating or eliminating syntatic ambiguity. You might want to add it to your toolkit.