Posted on 12/05/2001 11:37:52 AM PST by Silly
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
WASHINGTON, 5 Dec (SP) - An American lawyer fed up with the planet of Earth and everyone on it, and who has failed to achieve a single tangible goal that has any practical value in the course of his entire legal career, has filed a unprecedented lawsuit suit today against Earth and its immediate planetary system entitled, "Stop The World, I Want To Get Off."
Larry Klayman, president, founder and perpetuator extraordinaire of one of the longest running jokes in the history of law -- Judicial Watch -- has decided to end his career in comedy, throw in the towel, and storm out of the universe as soon as he can think of a witty exiting line.
The complaint, broadcast to the world over the Internet -- and to the known universe via satellite -- took the form of a videotaped rant in which Klayman stomped his feet, waved his arms about and cried, "Nobody likes me," on the steps of the Supreme Court.
At attempt was made to locate Klayman's attorney, a Hugh Foole, Esq., for comment, but apparently Klayman is representing himself in this matter.
Mel Brooks and Susan Stroman expressed an interest in the rights to the Broadway musical version of the lawsuit, under the working title, "Autumn for Klayman: A Nasty Romp with Larry on Pennsylvania Avenue." For purposes of historical accuracy, however, the show would have to go ahead as a tragic play, not a musical comedy, as Mr. Klayman was never known to have a sense of humor and couldn't carry a tune. The show was to have been a sequel to an off-off-Broadway show about Larry Klayman's lawsuit against his mother, entitled, "Throw Momma From The Hospital Bed."
In an unrelated lawsuit, evildoer Osama bin Laden has filed a countersuit against Larry Klayman, for "acts of passive hostility and derision" which occurred in another legal brief Klayman filed recently. Bin Laden accuses Klayman of "butchering" the spelling of his name as "Oussama Ben Laden," inappropriate capitalization of his middle name in the middle of a sentence, failure to capitalize "Taliban" and "Islamist," excessive use of vowels, and use of an umlaut in "Al-Qaïda." Klayman refuses to take the counter claim seriously, on the grounds that it is "nitpicking."
Klayman's wife has filed a lawsuit of her own, one that is contingent on Klayman's departure from the World (either by a legal victory in his own case or by other means), entitled, "Stop The World, I Want To Get On." Mrs. Klayman has previously denied that she is merely a convenient beard for Mr. Klayman's alleged flamboyant homosexual lifestyle.
Former President Bill Clinton filed a mildly funny "what-about-me" brief called, "Start The Foreplay, I Want To Get Off." It was dismissed in court as a nuisance vanity suit.
Journalist Barbara Walters has filed an unrelated suit entitled, "Stop The World And Wait While I Run Into Bergdorf Goodman To Return Shoes -- It Won't Take More Than Two Minutes, I Promise." An unnamed associate of Ms. Walters is whispering that the shoes are a pair of never-worn Ferragamo mules two seasons old (but with a receipt) in periwinkle blue calfskin and loden trim in the original box. Ms. Walters is a size 7.
In a recent interview with Ms. Walters on ABC's 20/20, Klayman was asked whether he wouldn't find it more practical to simply put a bullet into his own head. He replied, "I hadn't thought of that." He called ABC again just before the segment was broadcast to say that he had been unsuccessful in obtaining a gun permit. The lawsuit stands.
BeAChooser, I ran ALL THE way over TO THIS thread and to my AMAZEMENT found you HERE POSTING about RON BroWn. I've got to GIVE YOU credit for BRAVING this thread full OF democRATs RUN RUN RUNNING around in TIGHT little circles. Fortunately, I see t-shirt IS here TO BACK you up. Poor t-shirt IS BEING torn in two. As much as he WANTS to HELP you out, ALL he KNOWS how to contribute IS "BTTT" and he CLEARLY doesn't WANT to do that to THIS thread.
I HOPE you also HAVE something good TO SAY about my wonderful parody, which I have E-MAILED to Klayman, the poor sod.
Those posts are among my finest sarcasm. Thanks for the recognition.
We do this to BAC on a regularly scheduled basis, you ARE welcome to come.
I am currently putting together a "Ron Brown is still dead" bang! list, if you have any interest in being included, let me know.
I'll be hosting a FReepathon to help BAC in his search for justice, and answers.
We hope to raise enough money in Freeper donations to buy him TWO sessions with the Psychic Friends Network.
OTOH, when I get into a tight spot, I want to avoid that appearance, but anyone is welcome to join in.
Posting to BeAChooser is a different story. I think he likes the back-and-forth banter with some of us, or he wouldn't come back for more. In my case, I think he knows I do not disagree with what he's saying, but as I've pointed out to him, it is futile to continue to write about it unless he intends to do something about it, other than write repetitive posts that do nothing. IMO, most other posters he engages appear to have the same feeling, no matter what their opinion happpens to be on the Brown death.
I miss the old "shill team" days, but not the clutter of "the government lies to us" nonsense. As Silly posted, he flagged some of us for "entertainment purpose", those are the best kind.
Hi, Rokke!
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