Posted on 12/05/2001 11:37:52 AM PST by Silly
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
WASHINGTON, 5 Dec (SP) - An American lawyer fed up with the planet of Earth and everyone on it, and who has failed to achieve a single tangible goal that has any practical value in the course of his entire legal career, has filed a unprecedented lawsuit suit today against Earth and its immediate planetary system entitled, "Stop The World, I Want To Get Off."
Larry Klayman, president, founder and perpetuator extraordinaire of one of the longest running jokes in the history of law -- Judicial Watch -- has decided to end his career in comedy, throw in the towel, and storm out of the universe as soon as he can think of a witty exiting line.
The complaint, broadcast to the world over the Internet -- and to the known universe via satellite -- took the form of a videotaped rant in which Klayman stomped his feet, waved his arms about and cried, "Nobody likes me," on the steps of the Supreme Court.
At attempt was made to locate Klayman's attorney, a Hugh Foole, Esq., for comment, but apparently Klayman is representing himself in this matter.
Mel Brooks and Susan Stroman expressed an interest in the rights to the Broadway musical version of the lawsuit, under the working title, "Autumn for Klayman: A Nasty Romp with Larry on Pennsylvania Avenue." For purposes of historical accuracy, however, the show would have to go ahead as a tragic play, not a musical comedy, as Mr. Klayman was never known to have a sense of humor and couldn't carry a tune. The show was to have been a sequel to an off-off-Broadway show about Larry Klayman's lawsuit against his mother, entitled, "Throw Momma From The Hospital Bed."
In an unrelated lawsuit, evildoer Osama bin Laden has filed a countersuit against Larry Klayman, for "acts of passive hostility and derision" which occurred in another legal brief Klayman filed recently. Bin Laden accuses Klayman of "butchering" the spelling of his name as "Oussama Ben Laden," inappropriate capitalization of his middle name in the middle of a sentence, failure to capitalize "Taliban" and "Islamist," excessive use of vowels, and use of an umlaut in "Al-Qaïda." Klayman refuses to take the counter claim seriously, on the grounds that it is "nitpicking."
Klayman's wife has filed a lawsuit of her own, one that is contingent on Klayman's departure from the World (either by a legal victory in his own case or by other means), entitled, "Stop The World, I Want To Get On." Mrs. Klayman has previously denied that she is merely a convenient beard for Mr. Klayman's alleged flamboyant homosexual lifestyle.
Former President Bill Clinton filed a mildly funny "what-about-me" brief called, "Start The Foreplay, I Want To Get Off." It was dismissed in court as a nuisance vanity suit.
Journalist Barbara Walters has filed an unrelated suit entitled, "Stop The World And Wait While I Run Into Bergdorf Goodman To Return Shoes -- It Won't Take More Than Two Minutes, I Promise." An unnamed associate of Ms. Walters is whispering that the shoes are a pair of never-worn Ferragamo mules two seasons old (but with a receipt) in periwinkle blue calfskin and loden trim in the original box. Ms. Walters is a size 7.
In a recent interview with Ms. Walters on ABC's 20/20, Klayman was asked whether he wouldn't find it more practical to simply put a bullet into his own head. He replied, "I hadn't thought of that." He called ABC again just before the segment was broadcast to say that he had been unsuccessful in obtaining a gun permit. The lawsuit stands.
Just being,
Silly
Nothing follows.
Some people might stop and say, "wait, what about Islam?". What about their "heaven" or "hell". That would make 5 targets he missed. I think maybe JW did sue Islam's "heaven and hell" with Bin Laden and Allah but the process servers could only find Bin Laden because none of the others exist.
Give him time, friend, give him time.
I'm going to fax this to Judicial Watch this afternoon.
Isn't that the epithet to every Klayman suit?
I named my moose "Larry."
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