Posted on 11/19/2001 2:37:22 PM PST by Paul Atreides
On a thread located at Laura Bush Zings Hillary ,I posted how funny it would be if Jeff Foxworthy did a take on his "You might be a redneck" routine, only changed to "You might be a Clinton". It has blossomed into some very funny posts by several Freepers! Check them out and come back and add your own!
If you send yourself salmonella during a national emergency because:
a)nobody cares enough to kill you,
b)you need an excuse to leave Harlem,
c)no one's blaming the VRWC (yet),
d)you're not getting enough attention,
If you have your PR people attack NYPD and FDNY members in the wake of 9-11, you might be a Clinton
If you've ever fired over a hundred US attorneys to replace them with accomplices who will cover your crimes, you might be a Clinton
If you've ever written an Executive Order that repeals an Amendment in the Bill of Rights, you might be a Clinton (EO 13083).
If you have ignored a dozen terrorist attacks on your country during your tenure, only to try to play up how much you hunted terrorists behind the scenes after your failures become apparent to the entire planet, you might be a Clinton
If you ever tried to run over security personnel, you might be a Clinton
If you ever shared an Oval Office phone call with an official while you were both being serviced, you might be a Clinton.
If you've ever had a 'friend' serve a few years behind bars simply to avoid the question, "Did he know about [that illegal act]", you might be a Clinton.
If you've ever covered your cocaine habit and venereal diseases by refusing to release common medical reports, you might be a Clinton
If you've ever had a man's elbows broken because he had a tape (from a stationary security camera) of you 'visiting a friend', you might be a Clinton.
If you buy your college-aged daughter's thongs, you might be a Clinton.
Wow... there are at least 100 more I could do...
If Janet Reno has been a father figure to you, you might be a Clinton.
If you automatically lie about the most mundane subjects (e.g., what you had for breakfast), even without having to, you might be a Clinton.
If you use the first person (I, me, myself, my, mine) on average three times per sentence, you might be a Clinton.
If you think Sept. 11 was about you, you might be a Clinton.
If you mail yourself salmonella out of Anthrax envy, you might be a Clinton.
If the Red Cross refuses your blood donations, you might be a Clinton. Or, if the Red Cross can't find a vein, you might be a Clinton.
If you fail to remember your life's details in court, but promise to remember them in exchange for an $8 million book advance, you might be a Clinton.
If you visit Sesame Street, and Big Bird gives you the finger, you might be a Clinton.
If the Fire Department of New York publically boos you, you might be a Clinton.
If your pant suit has to make visits to a chiropractor, you might be a Clinton.
If you stopped all spending on military maintenance, but called it "a procurement holiday," you might be a Clinton.
If you spent your life snubbing the law, and think you'll actually get by with it, you might be a Clinton.
They ruined it for me, too. I was pretty ticked at the entire group until I saw Stevie Nicks on a late night talk show. The host (I can't remember if it was Dave or Jay) said she must be proud to have Clinton use her song as his theme. She rolled her eyes. Later, she made some comment about Clinton needing to grow up. For years, she was the only celeb I saw who didn't just fawn over Clinton.
Prediction for this thread: 750 replys. Maybe more. I can't wait to read every one.S911, ya took the words out of my mouth. I pinged this article just before I had to leave for the evening. Of course, being a FReepaholic, I had to stop in when I got home!
Paul, I think you definitely have a hit on your hands! Congratulations! Now, where's my DRY towel? This stuff is Soooo funny!! ;-D
I already did, as:
......., you might be a Clinton [Laff Your A** Off HERE! !]
If you tell Sudan, who tries to hand you Bin Laden and boxes of info on the Al Qaeda in '96, that Bin Laden's too much of a hot potato and you don't want him, you might be a Clinton.Ouch!
God Bless President Bush and the Allied Troops!
. . .(whispers)you too, Clint Eastwood!
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