Ask Watsonfellow (Political Commentary From A Superior Fellow)

Channeling watsonfellow | October 24, 2001 | PJ-Comix (channeling watsonfellow)

[PJ-Comix]

Whilst traipsing about Europe with a copy of "Brideshead Revisited" (by Evelyn Waugh whom I consider to be the greatest writer of the century even though I can't understand this book) in hand, I have deigned to lower myself to deliver political commentary to you barbaric tradionalist conservatives on the Free Republic.

Because I do not wish to sully my hands on a key board as I perform my Thomas J. Watson fellowship studies, I am channeling my answers to your political questions via PJ-Comix. Perhaps this shall become a regular feature on your traditionalist conservative forum. So feel free to ask, with great humilty, your questions of watsonfellow, a recent graduate of Claremont McKenna College in Claremont, California and a proud holder of a double PPEE (Pomposity, Punditry, Excess, & Egocentricity) degree aka a PPEE-PPEE.

And please keep my personal motto in mind: Good form isn't just something, it is EVERYTHING.

[kahoutek]

Hmmmmmm.........

Way I heard it, he was up for a "night in the 'hood".......

[TroutStalker]

What does trout fishing have to do with traipsing? I have never traipsed.

[Jonx6]

I wanted to know, since I prefer a well crafted pint of IPA, can I look down at folks who "swill" longnecks of bud? Or am I just as unseemly because I drink beer at all?

[MaeWest]

Hey, I used know a Gregory Chants!

Small world, I used to know the Chants, too! It was either Greg or Ann Chants who went to Claremont with Watson Waughnabe.

[lds23]

Sounds like you used to get picked on for being a dweeb in elementary, my dear Watson.

[Joe Driscoll]

Impolite is worse than being terribly harsh?
A simple question: Did they do evil?

If this QA thing does happen again could you please correct the title? Superior Fellow may be a given title where he is from, but I think it is a misnomer.

[PJ-Comix]

Sounds like you used to get picked on for being a dweeb in elementary, my dear Watson.

Tut tut, my good fellow. I'll have you know that I am finely honed martial expert in the art of Fung Ku. With one hand tied behind my back, I have the ability to order my man servant to break every bone in a tiny dwarf's body.

[MadIvan]

PJ, if you are going to attempt being English, you ought to at least bump an Englishman for a sanity check. Now as for this remark:

I find this term to be terribly harsh. Even worse, it is impolite.

Piffle. Good manners finds their basis in the art of discerning the appropriate from the inappropriate. Since bin Laden has been beastly, not the sort of fellow one would invite round for tea, calling him evil is an understatement indeed.

Regards, Ivan

FreeBritannia.co.uk

[PJ-Comix]

Superior Fellow may be a given title where he is from, but I think it is a misnomer.

I shall take your advice under consideration. Perhaps "Major Deity" would be a better self-description.

[Eddeche]

Honestly: Did you chuckle when your driver ran over the squirrel ?

[PJ-Comix]

Or am I just as unseemly because I drink beer at all?

Yes. Perhaps I should relate to you a TRUE story about when Sargent Shriver once ran for Presidential nomination. Mr. Shriver entered a bar full of blue collar louts. Unfortunately, he also needed their votes so he ordered a round of beers for everybody and then turned to the bartender and said:

"And I'll have a Courvoussier."

Yes, this is a true story but, unfortunately I don't believe my ignoramus of a channeler, PJ, knows how to spell "Couvoussier" on his keyboard.

[Rogmonster]

As I sit here in my office/wine cellar deciding whether tonights quaff will be an absolutely sterling 1996 Jordan Cabernet or an amusing 1997 Shafer Merlot I am reminded of those long ago days in the English Literature department of my very proper University.

Oh, the long nights waxing philosophical with my extemely erudite and clever classmates.

Oh, how we were transported upon the wings of blah, blah, blah, blah.

Reality check.

Flashbacks are so embarrasing!!

[VA Voter]

You must be really please with this. How many times have you posted it?

[kevkrom]

Dear Watsonfellow,

I'm thinking about starting a fund that will create grants to send smug, know-it-all, pretentious smartasses over to Afghanistan to reform Al-Queda and the Taliban through extremely civilized good manners. What would be the proper way to give you... er, I mean, the grant recipient... notification of being selected to receive the grant?

[general_re]

Dear Watson,

I have such a horrible problem of politics and etiquette! But I know that you'll be able to advise me - after all those summers together in Nantucket and Block Island, and ski trips to Aspen and Vail, I thought of you, dear Watson, as the only one who could help me with such a horrible pickle :(

It seems that I have the horrible luck to have invited someone to our annual Fall Retreat weekend on Cape Cod (you will be there, won't you, dear Watson?) who might be considered, well, inappropriate. You remember how my brother, Whittaker, was traveling about the Mediterranean over the last few years? (He's such a scamp, but I'm told that all the ladies absolutely gush over him...)

Well, it seems that, during his travels, Whittaker met a certain Mr. bin Laden - no, not the Mr. bin Laden, but rather his brother. Anyway, Whittaker tells me he's fabulous fun and so exotic, you'll just have to meet him, Watson darling - remind me to introduce you.

Now, I know that all of our guests would never be so crass as to make inappropriate comments or suggestions about our foreign guests - you remember how horribly embarrassing little Patty was to Mr. Hearst, but nobody was ever rude enough to say anything directly to poor Mr. Hearst.

Naturally, my main concern is with the "locals". I am concerned that if word should get out about our guest among the less-well-bred in town, there might possibly be some sort of incident. So my question to you is, since it would be exceptionally rude to disinvite Mr. bin Laden, would it be considered poor form to position the servants in such a way as to have them shoot uninvited guests on sight? What should I do?

Desperately seeking advice,
Your old friend,
Bunny Chambers

[Seeking the truth]

He did that too!

[MarkWar]

>What does trout fishing have to do with traipsing? I have never traipsed.

Neither have I. I meant this:

Mark W.

[PJ-Comix]

As I sit here in my office/wine cellar deciding whether tonights quaff will be an absolutely sterling 1996 Jordan Cabernet or an amusing 1997 Shafer Merlot I am reminded of those long ago days in the English Literature department of my very proper University.

Too many quaffs of Port has a very strange effect on me. It causes me to temporarily experience an unusual feeling of humility which is why I yanked my double PPEE degree off my wall and shoved it in my pants pocket when a fair member of the opposite gender recently visited me. I remember it well since I was forced to explain to her that I had PPEE-PPEE in my pants due to all that quaffing of the Port.

[csvset]

Traipsing

It isn't a manly sport.

[LeftyStomper]

Dear WatsonFellow,

It occurs to me, after reading your comments about Senator Claptrap being booed, that my screen name is gauche and ill-mannered. Can you suggest another which would convey my philosophy in a more dignified manner?

Awaiting edification,
the common thrall, LeftyStomper