In my rants to managed health care companies, I frequently included:
"If Job had had to deal with your company, there would be one less book in the Bible."
"Your recent reply is proof your company has an active affirmative action program."
"While otherwise useless, at least your suggestion can always be cited as a bad example."
"May the hair on your CEO's butt turn to steel wool and itch incessantly until this problem is resolved."
I often received "ROTFALMAO" responses from CEOs, along with satisfactory resolutions.