Prophet Seeking "Moderates" For Anti-Terror Coalition

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[xzins]

Prophet Seeking "Moderates" For Anti-Terror Coalition

SAMARIA--The Prophet Elijah today announced he will seek the cooperation of moderate Baal worshippers in his ongoing effort to eradicate the al-Jezebel terror network that is wreaking havoc upon Israel.

"Our message to Baal worshippers throughout the world is that this is a war against evil, not against Baal," Elijah said. "This is not a question of religion. It is a question of good versus evil."

The prophet was emphatic in pointing out that the focus of the ongoing anti-terror effort is upon the more radical element of the Baal religion, represented by "some 450 prophets of Baal and 400 prophets of Asherah." These radicals, Elijah said, "do not represent the vast majority of Baal worshippers who practice their religion in peace."

It is widely anticipated that, as a goodwill gesture toward the more moderate Baal worshippers, Elijah will allow rain to fall next week during a Baal religious festival. No rain has fallen in Israel for some three and a half years because Yahweh, the true God of Israel, has been displeased with the nation's worship of Baal. However, Elijah claims to have a direct relationship with Yahweh and has promised to discuss the matter with him in the wilderness later this week.

Ahab, the present King of Israel whose wife is blamed in large part for the recent outbreak of radical Baal activity, expressed confidence in Elijah's ability to negotiate with the Almighty. "I'm sure he can work something out," the king said. "I have never known a deity yet who wasn't open to some kind of compromise."

[xzins]

If you know the Bible story, this is hysterical. If you don't, well.......passing over the head. (Hint: look it up.)

[xzins]

bump for fun read

[TrueBeliever9]

Sounds like the "Crystal Cathedral"

[TrueBeliever9]

BTT for update

[DittoJed2]

Sure does! Bump.

[RnMomof7]

LOL True!

bumped for fun!

[MissAmericanPie]

What a hoot, lol. Thanks for the giggles and the heads up.

[Lent]

Ahab:"Jezebel made me do it!"

[George W. Bush]

Ahab:"Jezebel made me do it!"

That's irrelevant. Has nothing to do with his ability to govern. Move along now. Nothing to see here.

[RnMomof7]

Ahab:"Jezebel made me do it!"

That's irrelevant. Has nothing to do with his ability to govern. Move along now. Nothing to see here.

LOL

[JenB]

From related piece: "The prophet has been criticized by the media as a show off, mostly because of his performance at the contest on Mt. Carmel, where he was not content with merely calling down fire, but first soaked the alter and offering. A priest of Baal, speaking on condition of anonymity, called Elijah "a real wacko. I mean, this is a good step, but he has too often criticized our queen." Elijah could not be reached for comment, but his protege, Elisha, says his mentor is making "some real steps toward peace and ecumenism."

[ThanksBTTT]

"I have never known a deity yet who wasn't open to some kind of compromise."

[beowolf]

LOL....thanks for the flag. Ba'al is such a petty god. Always has been, always will be!-)

[Tribune7]

Good one. Bump

[George W. Bush]

I just realized this article is a direct quote from the NIV...

[fortheDeclaration]

I just realized this article is a direct quote from the NIV...

Well, the NIV translators did have access to those 'older' and 'better' manuscripts.

Even so, come Lord Jesus

[sheltonmac]

This is another one of those pieces that shows the absurdidty of our modern way of thinking. I'm not sure whether I should laugh, cry, or pray. So I'm doing all three.

[sheltonmac]

Whither thou seekest to direct this discussion I know not. I humbly beseech thee, o brethren who doth hold fast to thy King James, not to expostulate this topic thusly. Such remonstrance is best reserved for another time, lest ye be known as ones who drave out those who doth seek confabulation upon the article at hand. Shew that thou art noble and hast decided not to stray whilst posting upon this thread. Verily I say unto thee, as surely as our days hath been made as an handbreadth, thou wilt be able to pursue debate upon this topic ere long.

;-)

[billbears]

While I know Christ did not speak in old English, I'm probably one of the few left of my age that will not read any other than the KJV. The way the words flow somehow make it that much more special to me than it already is

[ArGee]

"This is not a question of religion. It is a question of good versus evil."

WOW!

Thanks for the flag.

Don't worry about me while you're gone, G-d. I'll just be in the garden looking for some fruit to eat.

Shalom.