26 Things the Movies have taught us

a friend | 9-29-2001

[Cagey]

1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.

2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

8. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.

14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

20. Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: "Enter Password Now."

21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

[cornelis]

Arrows are removable, unless deadly.

[sonsofliberty2000]

Very important: Let the Wookie win.

Patriot Paradox

[ClearBlueSky]

Except in the original Star Wars films, where the smart-mouthed Solo didn't die- but should have, IMO.

[Dr.Zoidberg]

Always grab the girl and start running with her over your shoulder, if you don't, she will trip over the extremely dense air at her ankles and get you both caught as you stop to help her to her feet.

[Dr.Zoidberg]

Sorry, Aquinasfan I missed your post along a similar line...

Oh well.

[satan]

You forgot African-American judges and Presidents.

[Big Giant Head]

If you're the good guy, prepare for a two-hour epic beating, bruising and whoopin' that you'll have to overcome to beat the bad guys.

Expect bloody noses, facial wounds, dirty grungy clothes, masses of bad guys swarming after you, etc.

Prepare witty lines and funny facial smirks for when encountering an unexpected twenty-seventh attack by yet another entire division of bad guys.

And be prepared to put out when the leading lady, who is always belittling you, comes around and falls in love with you as she cleans that one wound on your shoulder that makes you wince.

[Merdoug]

How about this one: Bullets will never penetrate materials that the hero is hiding behind, be it car doors, walls or wooden tables.

[SFConservative]

multipurpose, thanks for reviving this thread and Cagey, thanks for starting it. Great fun so far.

One observation I've made is that in the USA, all judges are not only required to be African-American, but also female. All judges not meeting that requirement were apparently forced out of the job some years ago.

[glaux]

Nurses always plunge the hypodermic needle in patients arm with force sufficient to drive a ten penney nail.

When working a computer keyboard, moveie stars always type at a rate of 10,000 wpm--and always without errors.

[The KG9 Kid]

Cars that leave the highway at high speed across a dirt field will inevitably explode into flames.

Car accidents on a Los Angeles freeway will always involve a 1970s station wagon that gets airborne and rolls upside down.

[HP8753]

Pump Shotguns can't have a round jacked into the chamber until after the Bad guy,Monster,Alien,or strange sound has been encountered

[Windsong]

In Star Trek (and ESPECIALLY in Next Generation), enemy ships (Romulan/Federation) almost always encounter each other at perpendicular angles. Never at "odd" angles.

[Old Professer]

Steering geometry hasn't changed much in 75 years; suspensions have. We still have the toe-in relationship (parallel tracking of the tires in an axial line), camber angle (tilt toward the center or outside of the sideline of the vehicle of the front tires), and caster angle (the shopping-cart wheel set-back is positive and used on most cars) and finally the kingpin inclination angle (an imaginary line drawn from the top center of a wheel to the outside bottom of the tire at the contact point). When all of these angles and relationships are correct to design specifications, a car should track without correction at the wheel (assuming a flat, level road surface).

[Pilsner]

Hint:

When searching the files of an evil scientist, always go directly to the filing cabinet labled "X." In all of history no evil scientist has ever called his master plan "Project W"

[bicycle thug]

"Nobody makes their first jump" was an important one from 'the Matrix.' Although Cypher's advice to Neo to run if he sees an agent did prove to be unenformed.

Guess he never "freed his mind" enough before getting whacked for being a traitor. ;-)

(Yes I am counting minutes and seconds until the last movie's release on the 5th.)

[multipurpose]

LOL, I'm sorry.

[Burkeman1]

In all films dealing with ancient times-the bad guys have an English accent and the good guys have an American accent.

[Burkeman1]

In any movie in which there is a black butler, maid, chauffer, caddy, or servant- they "know things", SECRET things, that no evil whitey could ever know.

Rip off from the guy who writes for the Sierra Times.