Geez, your story of trying to enlist is amazing!
I joined the AF in 1960 (Judge said join the Military or go to jail) along with a buddy. I didn’t have a HS diploma OR a GED. I did have a juvenile arrest record but was accepted AND got a Top Secret clearance needed for my work in Security and OSI.
“Judge said join the Military or go to jail”
That used to be an option back in the day. Best thing that ever happened to many a young man.