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I was promenading around the promenade deck when I saw some people playing hockey.

So I ran back to my cabin and got my hockey stick.

Well, there was this loud-mouthed enforcer thug and she gives me a cheap shot.

So I put her up against the wall and give her a couple of shoulder shots just to let her know that she wasn’t messing with some figure skater.

Do you know they have this game that uses pucks called shuffleboard?

I didn’t.

I blame it on my public school education.

Anyways, they toss me in the cruise ship brig for unnecessary roughness or some other baloney penalty.

I’m in the penalty box with this old drunk magician who was part of the ship’s entertainment. There isn’t much entertainment from the odor of an old wino.

He would reach into the front of his pants and say,

“Wanna see me pull a rabbit out of my pants?”

Well, they have those vacuum toilets on cruise ships, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get that turd of a magician to go down the toilet.

So they let him out of the brig.

Now, it’s just me in the brig with some big sailor standing watch over me.

So I starts singing I’m Popeye The Sailor Man.

The brig must have been due a cleaning cause that Sailor came in and mopped up the floor with me.

The Captain put me on bread and water.

I do have to admit it was bottled water and several delicious breads.

They decide to put me off at some island filled with cannibals. I think they called it Japan.

They march me across the deck and who is standing there gloating but that old lady thug from the hockey game.

She says something dirty to me so I give her a taste of the old hockey stick as I go by. Knocked her dentures into the hot tub. Scared several children.

So Captain Ahab or whatever his Norwegian name is has Popeye The Sailor throw me overboard.

No life preserver or nothing. Just “ploop”, into the waves like an old boot or something.

Good thing that Russian submarine picked me up.