I have found that it’s easiest and most productive to talk to some people at their funerals. :-P
LOL, it’s pretty much just as effective.
Good suggestion. I have been able to do that. To forgive, and let go, after their death. Even my dad. He was a giant of a man and used to beat us three girls. Skinny little things that we were. He was always angry and screaming and cussing. Honestly, I
have tried and tried and cannot remember WHY he beat my little sister with a switch. She was a good kid. I don’t remember her ever doing ANYTHING that deserved a beating. I had bruises and knots all over my skinny legs from belt and buckles beating me. All it did was make me fear him and dislike him, hate him even.
But once he passed I was able to look past some of this. He didn’t smoke or drink. I don’t think he was angry and screaming and cussing at us all the time because “he wanted to be that way” I have talked to some of my best childhood/neighbor friends and NONE of them knew he was like that at home. He was the smiling jovial
jokester in public. He could always tell a great joke, great timing, punch line delivered at right time, perfectly. Made everyone laugh. But I used to hope he would die in a wreck on the way home. He was so big and loud and mean. He only socked me in the face one time. Thankfully. He could have killed me.
But after he passed I kept trying to forgive him. Too bad they didn’t have anger management classes back then.
One time he even yelled at my daughter when she was only about 3 or 4 years old. Scared me to death. Our kids really wanted nothing to do with him after that.
My mother is almost 90 and she is so mean to me. I don’t go around her. I hate that. But she keeps insulting me in front of our kids. She talks like I was a slut, I wasn’t! I was skinny, ugly, awkward, insecure, shy, quiet kid, afraid of my own shadow. I was convinced by her that I was terribly ugly and stupid. I managed to grad from university in 4 years paying my own way.
She now says “I didn’t want you in the first place, not when I had you, not that time of year and most ceretainly, NOT ANOTHER GIRL!” As if I had a choice in that~ I was a “large” baby - about 8 lbs, like my three kids were, no big deal... but she kept complaining about that, too. I kicked when in utero. Babies do that. I am sure I didn’t do it to hurt her.
She told my husband “It might interest you to learn that Barbara only went on one family trip, to Arkansas, to visit Aunt Winnie” I say “WHO IS AUNT WINNIE” I have no idea. But I do remember we went to OKC capital, Memphis, Six Flags over Texas, Colorado, Caliornia, ....
I have the PHOTOS!
I always found this to be one of the most touching funerals on celluloid. “Frank you’re dead”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=5&v=o97cg9Rauqg