Maybe you will take the word of another freeper. I am past retirement age. When I was in my 20s, 30s and 40s, "passes" were very common and there was literally nothing a woman could do about it through the civil authoriites back in the day before the development of sexual harrassment lawsuits (which are expensive and harrowing, by the way). Either you had a famiily member have a "talk" with the person, or if you had no such support system, you had to leave the job, the church or the rental property where these assaults took place. For instance, when I was 27, my landlady's husband let himself into my apartment with her pass-key, grabbed me, and forced his tongue into my mouth. I screamed and threatened to tell his wife, who lived downstairs. Fortunately, he left.
The same thing happened when I owned my own home and my husband worked long hours—a neighbor came over to "borrow a cup of sugar for his wife" and grabbed me and forced a tongue kiss and copped a feel. He outweighed me by 150 lbs and was an active member of the mafia. Luckily, he was afraid of my telling his wife, and he also left. Who was I going to call, knowing he could have me or my dog killed, my car trashed, my windows broken, my house robbed? So he spread rumors around the neighborhood that I was a lesbian, and all his little punk nieces used to yell that at me on the street in front of my child, in an otherwise wonderful Italian Catholic city parish with the huge church on the corner.
These are just two of the multiple, multiple incidents that happended at least once a year without warning from employers, neighbors, a pastor, or friends/relatives of close friends or of my husband—people you just never expected would take advantage. My husband's boss. My boss. My boss's important client. The husbands of other couples while getting you alone for a moment in the kitchen practically right in front of everyone else at a dinner party. Yes, I was good looking, but dressed modestly and, during many of these episodes over the years, was also married. It didn't seem to matter.
In many cases, the woman is blamed, no matter how unsolicited the groping had been. Even women's own parents from the former generations would not defend their daughters against authority figures like Dad's boss, a pastor, a teacher or a coach. They simply went into denial and blamed their daughter—or son—for causing them an uncomfortable thought. There are some men who are so spineless, they become jealous and punitive of their wives if the wife received unwanted passes from their husband's boss, relatives or friends.
Why women are coming out with a spate of complaints now is that finally, there is twitter and the pressure of social media, and the takedown of some powerful men. So there is a temporary feeling of strength in numbers that didn't exist before.
Remember that women are often punished at work, in socializing and in the the family for being too pushy, too unfeminine, too serious. As a result, many women are raised not to know that they have an option to respond forcefully to a disgusting unsolicited grope or sloppy unwanted tongue kiss. For some respectable, married professional men whom you would never suspect, the idea of forcing his hands or tongue on a stiffly resistant woman is a turn-on that they presumably take home to their wives later on, even if they never push it as far as a rape of their employee's wife or their wife's close friend. Other serial cheaters are just sampling around to see who will give in and sneak around with them.
I was one of the lucky ones who did not get raped or beaten when I rejected someone; but only because I am an assertive person and was raised with a father and brothers. Many women are not, and are terrified by an assault by someone bigger and stronger than themselves. And yes, someone putting his hands on one's breasts, butt, inner thigh, waist, lower back, neck, face, ears, head or hair is very intrusive and if unwanted, it is an assault.
Please see my post 85. I offer you my same regrets and am sorry for what you went through.
Please. Please understand my comments in post 2 are not applicable to true victims. Especially victims who were children when that abuse happened.
I posted comment # 2 as a kneejerk reaction to the many women making “me too” claims. The women with an agenda, the women hiring Gloria Allred, the women chasing that hundred dollar bill down the trailer park.
I know and understand how and why women will not or can not report these abuses when it happened. But my caustic comment in post 2 was not directed at them.
God bless you and keep you.
I am SO sorry for all of that.
“When I was in my 20s, 30s and 40s, “passes” were very common”
“For instance, when I was 27, my landlady’s husband let himself into my apartment with her pass-key, grabbed me, and forced his tongue into my mouth. I screamed and threatened to tell his wife, who lived downstairs. Fortunately, he left.”
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I wouldn’t call that a “pass”, more like home invasion and assault. Back in the day, in the lexicon I recall, a “pass” was pretty much just a flirty come-on line or a wink of an eye type thing. Still something that a boyfriend/husband might punch a guy out if the guy made a pass to his gf/wife, but nothing like attempted assault.