Urinalists just have too hard a job. Since it always comes out sounding the same, howse about a form to allow for quick publication? This shouldn’t take long for the urinalist to fill in so they can get back to more important issues like fretting over Trump’s desert choices or some imagined charge of racism:
Local authorities in ____________ have confirmed that the suspect in the terrorist attack on _______ [fill in day of week] was known to intelligence officials. _____ [fill in number] associates of the attacker who were also known to authorities were arrested and have since been released. Casualties included _____ [fill in number] killed and _____ [fill in number] injured.
A spokesman for [fill in politician’s name] has condemned the attack and promised swift action. The spokesman then warned against the serious threat of Islamophobia. Tributes in the form of stuffed bunnies and flowers have begun to accumulate at the site.
Excellent. Always lip service, tell a tale, move on. I’d give anything to hear someone in charge say, “that’s enough, we are going to execute him, 10 of his friends and associates, and then destroy whatever mosque or huka shop he attended”. “we will continue to do this and escalate as needed”. instead we get this ho hum, please don’t do this again, and please don’t offend our islamic friends, that will only upset them and they will kill us more.
Pretty much.
Needs a standard form designation too, some obtuse bureaucratese letter number designation and a “fill out in event of “Asian” attack label.
Haha thanks I laughed! (Gotta laugh or cry right?)
I propose the following standard form designation:
SF-PCANWSEC (for “Politically Correct press release concerning Asian/Nonwhite suspect(s)/Secular reference only”)
OPM-Rev 1
Who knows maybe such a form already exists at the OPM. Sure would explain a lot of the press briefings that chick with the computer glasses from the State Department gave during Obummer’s reign.