LEAR. [To Goneril] Your name, pant-suited woman with the cankles?
GONERIL.
I do beseech you to understand my purposes aright:
Here you keep a hundred knights and squires;
And five thousand rally supporters,
Men and women so disorder'd, so loud, and so bold
That in this our election, being infected with their manners,
Shows like a riotous football game.
They complain about emails, corruption, rape, murder, and terrorists
And have disgraced the White House Palace
That I earned and is my Birthright.
LEAR.
Darkness and devils! —
Saddle my horses; call the Trump train together. —
Degenerate bastard! I'll not trouble thee.
GONERIL.
You strike at the gentle leftists and the gimme dat crowd,
With your disorder'd rabble, you’ll turn
Government fat cats into the servants of the people!
[Enter Albany.]
LEAR.
[To Albany.] Prepare my horses. —
Corruption, thou marble-hearted fiend,
More hideous when thou show'st thee in an ex-secretary of state
Than the sea-monster!
ALBANY.
Pray, sir, be patient.
LEAR.
[to Goneril] Detested kite, thou liest!:
My Trump Train are men of choice and rarest parts,
That all particulars of duty know;
And in the most exact regard support
The worships of their name.
ALBANY.
My lord, I am guiltless, as I am ignorant
Of what hath mov'd you.
LEAR.
Hear, nature, hear; dear goddess, hear
Suspend thy purpose, if thou didst intend
To make this vile creature fruitful and become POTUS.
Into her campaign convey distrust and shame.
Dry up in her the organs of financial increase – the Saudi Kings.
Take her derogate body and throw in jail!
In the jail house, let the other inmates dishonor her
If she must teem, create ghosts of the expendible ones
Unhatch Vince, Ron, and Chris, that they may live
And be a thwart disnatur'd torment to her!
Let decades her cell stamp wrinkles in her brow of youth;
With cadent tears fret channels in her cheeks;
Turn all her wishes for glory and conquests
To laughter and contempt; that she may feel
How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
To have a crooked, evil candidate! — Away, away!
[Exit.]
Original artwork from Crippled America and poster from London play.