Posted on 10/13/2015 5:27:50 PM PDT by Altura Ct.
The New York Times is not just the Paper of Record. It is, among so very many other things, the adjudicator of acceptable opinion, the arbiter of style, and the guide for the perplexed. It was thus with humble gratitude that males, all of whom are prostrate betas before the Times’ grand alpha, received the article that appeared last week in the Men’s Style/Self-Help section: “27 Ways to Be a Modern Man.”
How would we know, if the New York Times didn’t tell us?
Brian Lombardi, the Times’ appointed oracle on what makes a Modern Man, is as gnomic and enigmatic as any of his Delphic predecessors. He tells us, for example, that “the modern man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.” My best guess as to what this could possibly mean is that it is a reference to the Wu-Tang Clan, which, I am informed, is “an American hip hop group from New York City, originally composed of East Coast rappers RZA, GZA, Method Man, Raekwon, Ghostface Killah, Inspectah Deck, U-God, Masta Killa, Cappadonna, and the late Ol’ Dirty Bastard.”
That’s right: “the late Ol’ Dirty Bastard.” There are plenty of us still alive, but never mind. Brian Lombardi’s epigrammatic utterances include no explanation of why modern man must consult Wu-Tang weekly. There is no why. One does not question the oracle.
But then, there is this:
The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.
Very well, but also:
The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.
If Modern Man must never own a gun, that’s his choice. But he “has no use” for one? What if the intruder who storms his bedroom is too strong for Modern Man to fight off unarmed? What if the intruder has a knife — or is even so much of an Antiquated Man as to have a gun?
What can Modern Man do then? Reach for the melon baller that Lombardi advises he use to make sure “the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves” are “uniformly shaped”?
A clue as to how all this sage advice hangs together comes in the oracle’s penultimate utterance:
The modern man cries. He cries often.
Perhaps the Modern Man is so given to such displays because the intruder was indeed armed, and Modern Man wasn’t, and Modern Man’s wife had no chance to get away.
That possibility, however, almost certainly didn’t occur to Brian Lombardi or his New York Times editors. They no doubt agree: “the Modern Man has no use for a gun.” Barack Obama and John Kerry are quintessential examples of this Modern Man. They live in a world where all people are rational, gentle, peace-loving, and concerned about saving the planet and sharing her resources. That includes the Ayatollah Khamenei and Hassan Rouhani. Hell, it includes Kim Jong-un and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.
Brian Lombardi could have added a 28th characteristic of the Modern Man: “the Modern Man assumes that everyone he ever encounters in any situation, no matter how threatening, irrational, or actively violent, is also a Modern Man.” There is, in other words, no one who cannot be talked to, no one who cannot be negotiated with, no one who doesn’t prize Peace above all things, and no one who isn’t willing to make concessions and receive them in turn, in order to bring about and preserve that Peace.
Remember who your talking to? (God I always wanted to say that ;)
Hopeless heterosexual homophobes..
that’s what the German new media was saying in 1936. How did that work out.
People like to say it is the ‘paper of record.’ But in fact, it has little influence outside the narrow territory where it is written. The writers write for each other, are widely known as having an agenda, and have very little real world experience. I grew up in a family where the NYT was delivered to the door each morning. Today, I wouldn’t even use it to wipe my you-know-what.
dear norm,
I agree with you.
I see you have the same affination for ‘kale’ that i do, as well!
Creatures that eat what food eats arent likely to survive long. Vitamin/protein deficiencies are a bitch when GNC is on permanent hiatus.
dear norm,
In the 70’s novel, “The Seige”, which was an abortive film attempt with Bruce Willis, all the bridges that connected Manhattan to the rest of the world were destroyed, not blocked. All the tunnels were destroyed.
So, I wonder whar Captain pajamas would do in that case, eh?
Get a copy of Fallout (video game). Shows pretty clearly what will happen ;)
I’d imagine cannibalism will be the mainstream there in a couple weeks after the SHTF. Millions of people dependent on the HOURLY supply chain will tear through the grocery stocks like lightning. They can’t grow anything in any quantity and their roof kale is poisoned anyway.
So by the time the madness of hunger overtakes the few left outside a slaver’s pen, they will be drooling over ‘Leg of Man’ and to weak/sick to do much but lie in their own filth gnawing on dead rotted flesh.
I love a happy ending.
This was a local occurrence. Think I would prefer to be armed.
Two Arrested With Suspected ‘Home Invasion Kit’ In a U-Haul Near Willow Creek
http://lostcoastoutpost.com/2015/oct/13/two-arrested-suspected-home-invasion-kit-willow-cr/
“The Deputy discovered upon observation a clear plastic bag with marijuana in the vehicle. Ramirez and Bosworth were detained while the deputy searched the rest of the vehicle. Additional deputies responded to assist. Ramirez and Bosworth were searched as well. Deputies located a large duffle bag that contained pairs of gloves, ski masks, bandanas, extra-long zip ties, two machetes, duct tape, sunglasses, and a 1.5’ double edged dagger. These items are generally used for home invasions and robberies.”
But Brian Whazzizname got people talking about his silly article, so I guess he wins.
dear norm,
re: Get a copy of Fallout (video game).
After three years in SouthEast Asia, saw enough stuff, so i don’t play any of the post-Atari 2600 video games.
You might be right on the cannibalism. Imagine the hit all the gas stations are going to get for yummies.
I consider anytyhing that befalls the queers and metrosexuals as retribution.
“After three years in SouthEast Asia, ...”
AH! so you already played it for real pretty much ;)
I believe strongly that actions have consequences. Might take longer than we hope they would to materialize, but they always do. The Homo/metro/liberals have created the environment for hell to break loose on them and so hell will, as a natural consequence, break loose on them. I just wish I could sell tickets.
Normally I’d say “Thermodynamics” but I don’t think this opposing reaction will be anywhere near equal, to be honest. Lotsa force multipliers over the years. The blowback is going to be, to quote one of America’s greatest statesme...sorry, greatest traitors, “In a manner reminiscent of Ghenghizzzzzz Kahn.”
hee hee hee!
I thought he said “GAIN jiss”
Well, that plus all the domestic savages (BLM)
I’ve seen it butchered in a number of ways. God knows how you really spell what that POS said.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.