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Regarding kosher pork, the statement “It just depends on how they kill the pig” is theologically false. Kosher pork comes from only male pigs circumcised before slaughter. It is a little known fact that such boars must not be restrained during circumcision - which is why such pork is very expensive. A case can be made that David did his act with that sling, the resulting scarcity of shechots strong enough to assure ritual circumcision of boar hogs caused kosher pork’s well known scarcity. Could the above be considered an example of the Law of Unintended Circumstances?

What, pray tell, in the HELL are you talking about? There is no such thing as "kosher" pork. There could never be any "kosher" pork, no matter if you circumcised the pig, circumcised yourself while circumcising the pig (could happen if he was frisky enough), swung the pig around while dancing naked or any other way. The pig is not a kosher animal. It does not chew its cud. In order to be a kosher animal, it must have cloven hooves AND chew a cud. Only having one of these criteria doesn't cut it. Or circumcise it.

Stop making stuff up about Judaism. You're not good at it.