I’m up in the NE part of KY (part of the problem because of the stupid laws around here).
Thank you again for that
I came to realize that my leaving would cause my wife more pain than the care for me ever would, and that was the second thing that brought me back from the cliff.
My problem is not paralyzing it’s damage to 8-9 of the discs, Spinal Stenosis, and Neuropathy, which all piled together cause the symptoms I mentioned. Surgery is not an option because of the location of some of them.
Meds are going to be a part of my life, and have been for almost 10 years now. I have been responsible, and careful, but they are a fact of life for me.
I kept working until 2011 because of the meds, and until I fell down our stairs because of the neuropathy. After I started losing the feelings in my fingers, and finally had to face the fact, asking someone to hire me was impossible.
I guess the biggest depression for me was going from being a productive member of society, to someone who had to have almost total care in less than 3 years, and part of that being because of poor medical care. It didn’t seem there was a way out of the perfect storm I had fallen into.
God does have a plan, and every once in a he slaps me upside the head to remind me of that.
Your story is another of those smacks.
Pretty regularly he reminds me that no matter how bad I think my situation is, there are people out there who have dealt with worse.
Thanks again for the words of encouragement. They do help.
I’m going to fall out as my brain is starting to run thoughts together.
Don't feel bad about the meds my friend. I've taken a Boogie man med called Xanax for over 20 years now. It still works despite what most who didn't understand why I needed it said it wouldn't. Without it I can not leave home nor function. It tones down my sensory system and decreases the seizures.. For back pain I can't handle opiates. Last time in June I went to doc about my back he felt in my upper back and said you're real tense up there. He knew why. A gentle way of saying stress. The Sciatic is a different matter.
I tried to keep working. But I was a maintenance mechanic and checking the boilers was part of my job. A very different type than on the ship. My concentration was going fast and I was screwing up. I was also the Electrician and that required having my thoughts and concentration. My last brain fog episode I called my dad to drive me home and retired that night at the ripe old age of about 35.
The only good part was I had been working lots of overtime. It made my disability benefits a lot higher. I've had many a scrap with Medicare, Tenncare, Medicaid, on my wifes behalf. I was like a pitbull when it come to her needs LOL.
Watch you mood late at night. {I'm a good one too talk}. You get tired and things can get very distorted in the thinking that in the morning don't look so bleak.