The United States == National identity is foremost. States exist as political subdivisions of and are subservient to the central government. This is an essentially European and imperial model of government.
These United States == National identity and State identity are on par. The central government exists as a creature of the sovereign States, for the purpose of serving their united interests and presenting a united front to the rest of the world. This is the uniquely AMERICAN, federalist model of government created in the Articles of Confederation, refined in the Constitution.
I urge you to read the Constitution again, with this thinking in mind. I believe you will see that it is designed to very strictly limit the size and scope of the central government; to SEVERELY minimize its power over the several States and its sphere of influence. I suggest that you pay particular attention to the enumerated powers of the Congress in Article 1, and to the 9th and 10th Amendments.
Many of our problems today, particularly with the expansive and expensive central government, stem from ignoring those limits.
The very idea of attacking Robert E. Lee because of cultural differences between Virginia & Massachusetts, to put it into perspective, would have been totally outside the compact agreed to in the 1787 - 1789 agreement.