Posted on 04/05/2015 8:15:42 AM PDT by Kaslin
Dear God I am sick of hearing about gay cakes.
First off, Id like to say that pretty much all cakes are gay. Duh. No offense, of course.
If you dont believe me then Google cakes. After that page loads select images and then look at what your search yielded up and tell me with a straight face those pics dont look absolutely fabulous.
Tell me what did you see? Ill tell you what you saw: fluffy yellow, brown or white cake filling donned with colored icing, decorated with rosettes or candy and/or some other kind of pleated, sugar-coated diabetes, belly fat and cellulite inducing crap. Thats what.
I have two things to say for that aforementioned visual: 1). Completely. 2). Boy George.
And dont even get me started on cupcakes. Cupcakes are verily gay. Especially, mini-cupcakes. I had some ladies leave some mini-cupcakes at my house after a baby shower the other day and I summarily took those quaint cakes and dumped em in the garbage. That aint paleo-diet stuff and I am a caveman so, ipso facto, in the trash they go.
Oh, and by the way, have you ever called someone a cupcake? Was he acting effeminate? Yes? There, I rest my case.
I'm sure some of you are thinking, What confectionaries, then, do I consume, if any? Well, since inquiring minds want to know, my go-to poison are brownies. Why are brownies my dessert of choice? Well, brownies look earthy, no frilly, fastidious lace needed and should I ever get glaucoma I can easily jam-pack it with some killer weed and it won't seem weird. And lastly, when I smile while Im woofin down a brownie, I look like a 10th century Viking savage which translates not gay.
With my stance of the effeminacy of pretty much all cakes established, please, do tell, who the hell demands someone bake them a cake? That. Is. So. Gay.
For Gods sake, man, go to a gay cakemaker or pick your haggard backside up and go to HEB and get some Betty Crocker cake mix, make your own damn cake and shut the heck up and help us focus on killing Islamic death-jockeys who sure as shiitake wont bake you a frickin cake should they ever take the helm.
Honestly, obviously, and for the record, I find your fascistic demands for a private Christian business to bake you a gay cake as odious as I would if the Westboro Baptist Church berated a gay baker to build them a Sodom and Gomorrah cake commemorating its destruction.
In addition, gay dudes, why would you, the gay person, want to patronize someone who doesnt dig your lifestyle? Unless, youre trying to stir up some faux political rage to distract us all from how Obama is screwing our nation or how Hillarys email scandal makes Nixon look like an Amish schoolmarm? Why would you want to give your hard earned drachmas to someone who isnt down with your life-style?
I think its funny/pathetic how gays think theyre so rad by beating up on Christian bakeries. Whats next? Christian florists? Or some blue-haired Christian needlepoint granny who wont crochet your groomsmen rainbow-colored loincloths? Ooooh Awww youre such a scary contrarian. Are you going to force Christian filmmakers to film and produce gay porn? When will you be satisfied, huh?
Look, gay-ragers, if you really want to stretch your wings why dont you force a redneck custom-bike builder to build you a chopper with a pic of your checking Jethros oil on the gas tank?
Or or better yet, why dont you try your bake-me-a-cake crap at a Muslim boulangerie or ask a halal deli owner to fry you up a mountain of BLTs for your wedding reception?
Cmon, rowdies why dont you focus your angst on Islam? Because they truly hate you and they wish you dead. But youll never do that because you know what would happen, so you continue to bully soft targets and then pretend like youre somehow a 21stcentury Nuevo Rosa Parks pushing for the front of the bus.
Lastly, if I was gay, and Im not, but I do think Ellen is a hoot, I would live and let live, cest la vie . I wouldnt force anyone to do squat for me. I would prize the freedoms afforded in this grand experiment in self-governance and if someone doesnt want to do business with me then Id mosey on to someone who would, versus trying to trash our First Amendment and become the land of the frees perpetual pain in the butt.
I agree. She is not funny.
Bake ‘em. Use plenty of alum in the icing.
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Ellen, the Michael Sam of TV.
There is so much spite in these gay agitators as well as all types of left wing extremists and the Democrats use them as their battering rams against society.
Homosexuals are not gay.
What about Ho-Ho’s?
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