Posted on 03/04/2015 2:53:31 PM PST by grundle
Dalia Gokirmak, 31, and her husband Oscar, 41, always wanted a big family. But when they found out they were having twins when she was pregnant for the second time, reality sunk in immediately. “I’ll be honest, I pulled out the calculator right away,” Oscar says.
Though they would’ve preferred to stay in Hoboken, N.J., the couple knew they would not be able to afford $1,600 a month per child, the going childcare rate in the area, plus the cost of moving to a bigger home. So they packed up and moved to the neighboring town of Union City where daycare rates are around $600-$700 a month.
The Gokirmaks, whose children are now age 3 and 1, decided it makes the most sense for both of them to continue working – even if three-quarters of Dalia’s take-home pay, which amounts to 30% of their household income, goes straight to daycare
This week they moved again to Highland Park, N.J., where they’ll be paying $1,000 a month per child until they find a more affordable solution. Because it’s so easy to go over budget with three children, they limit their credit card usage and make most of their purchases on their debit card.
Says Oscar: “I never pictured that this was how we were going to end up spending our money. It’s more than the cost of our mortgage and property tax combined.”
(Excerpt) Read more at finance.yahoo.com ...
A big problem is the labor surplus nowadays. It doesn’t matter what job you want, so many people are looking for work, there will be many applicants, so businesses just get picky about silly stuff just to thin the pile out. It may have nothing to do with your qualification for the job, but if you get 100 applications, what are you going to do, interview all of them?
Wonder what Dave Ramsey would say about this.
Bet he’d suggest the Mom stay home with the kids.
Oscar will be whining a lot more when they’re in high school with all those expensive after school activities, dates, cars and all the while he’s trying to save for college.
I have a friend in the exact situation, as yours. She interviewed for months. I found out she was looking for a job and it just so happened a family friend was able to hire her (bookkeeping).
You’ll always know in your heart that you did the right thing for your kids. I’m sure that they’ll return the loving care, to you, when needed.
We sacrificed and I stayed home with our kids...doing the same *work* as you. My mom worked, outside of the home (by choice), and what I wouldn’t have given for her to be at home, with us kids. It really makes a difference...and means so much. Blessings to you!
I always noticed how many nurses who went into administrative jobs had kids with serious problems.
“took a huge pay cut to do so and will NEVER regret it.”
God bless you. It was a tough decision for us just because of the uncertainty of educating your children, but universities now recognize the value of homeschooling. Both our boys received full ride scholarships in the end...and we are closer than you can imagine.
To this day, my boys don’t understand why siblings on sitcoms fight so much. Lol.
Thank you for your kind words. I get pretty discouraged. 20/20 hindsight, I would have stayed in my degree part-time (night weekends). Something.
That’s correct. Plus a lot of States have so many rules for day care and workers it makes it much more expensive. Some States require an education certificate or associate degree just to be a daycare worker. I know a lot of geed mothers and grandmothers that haven’t taken the social child classes.
It was the same for us when the kids were little / 75% or more of what the Wife made went to Childcare... but if Mommy ain’t Happy, ain’t nobody Happy (now that she is the EX I can confess that even if it were 110% I would have said...”Yes Dear”)
TT
One like this in my family. The kids are accessories.
And neither will your child. Will probably be much better behaved, centered but not self-centered, and a joy to others, rather than a terror to others.
People whocsay that really docnot understand just ho much it takes to raise a child WELL. They may see people half-assing it and think that’s what it is, but not if you want to do it right and well.
low six figs in nj with mortgage and two kids and two cars plus hig state and local taxes, plus sales taxes, that doesn’t go far in nj.
Biological drive. But the feminists did push career and “accomplishments”, such that a third of college educated European women have no children while it is 20% of Americans. In prior generations, 10% were childless, so there are 2-3 times as many women not having kids because they were told they shouldn’t.
The wave of articles on egg freezing and 40 year olds having fertility treatment and the growth of first time moms over 35 are proof many women have waited until the clock almost ran out and are now rushing to get one in before they can’t have a kid. So that says many women want at least one biological child but put career first until realizing, no, you can’t just have 2 at 40.
For those who are younger having kids, it is a balancing of family impulse with financial pressures - you want kids, but you have been told you have to have a job so you can support yourself if he leaves or loses his job. For others, you work when they are young so you don’t face as sharp an income drop returning to the workforce after having kids, so you can afford to save for college and retirement.
Thanks to everyone for all the encouragement. My son just entered the “terrible threes”. It has taken a lot of practice to get used to being home all the time. But, 99% of the time when I or my husband or the two of us take my son out somewhere he is a well behaved little gentleman. We have been consistent with discipline if he misbehaves at home, and so when we’re out, if he does start to misbehave all we have to do is talk to him about the consequences should his poor behavior continue and that rectifies the situation. He is a joy to be with. And I look at other kids when we go out; screaming, tantrums, rude, and I know that will never be my son. :)
You are right. It is wrong to penalize women (and men in that situation) who raised a family. Makes me really angry but what can you do?
Some women prefer a part-time job (when kids are in school) so they still have adult interaction and keep job skills current; I couldn’t imagine wanting strangers to watch your children. We’ve paid a financial price for our children, but fortunately had retired family that could watch them a few hours per day.
Of course, these options aren’t usually available to single mothers; I don’t know why such “family models” are touted. Two parents have a much better chance of keeping babies fed in a timely manner, in clean/dry diapers, and in a loving environment. I’d rather be poor than have strangers even touch my kids.
Must have been a shock for these people to move from Hoboken to Union City; it is like moving from the Upper West Side to Havana.
I have no sympathy for people (both men & women) who deferred having children past early 30s for financial reasons; it is simply impractical and risky.
In my area towns that are 75% Anglo are 75% non-Anglo in the under-20 demographic; the anti-school tax campaign here in NJ, originally fueled by taxes alone, and now compounded as American taxpayers realize they are paying for schools with few American students.
Financially, it made more sense for me to create a home business while taking care of the kids than to keep my job. It paid a lot but daycare, clothing, transportation, taxes, etc. made working the long hours of job nonsensical. My husband panicked a bit, but got serious and doubled his income to make up for the loss of my job’s income.
Yep. Sure seems to make sense for Mom to stay home.
Of course, if she does and Dad eventually moves on, lots of Freepers will see his earnings from those years as belonging to him, and while he will have moved toward peak earning capacity, Mom will likely have to claw her way up from a minimum wage job as she re-enters the workforce—with kids in tow.
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