Accountant jumps to his death from office 'because he was hallucinating that the mannequins were cha

Daily Mail ^ | January 9, 2015 | DAILY MAIL ONLINE REPORTER

[Tax-chick]

We have some drizzle, but the temperature is supposed to stay above freezing.

[moose07]

It is a well known disorder: Foot in mouth disease. Quite common when referring to traffic density.

[NicknamedBob]

The power of manifestation. Or infestation. One of those.

[Monkey Face]

Overcast and ugly. And I’m done for the day. Too much stress and not enough to show for it. Tomorrow will be better, I think...

[Darksheare]

I made sure I was at my destination before saying it.
I did not want to summon anything.

[moose07]

And it could be “ANYTHING” !
Wise move.

[NicknamedBob]

My summoning powers are pretty limited. My wife, on the other hand, woah.

[moose07]

That could be a useful asset in the event of a breakdown.

[Tax-chick]

Hope you have a good night. Wear armor!

[Darksheare]

The beginning pages of the parody webcomic Darths & Droids calls it “summon bigger fish”.

[Darksheare]

Not always.
Imagine being able to summon a rabid gang of motorcycle riding bears.
And they are irked at being summoned.

[NoCmpromiz]

If the throes of glowbull warmthing are not too energetic, you could open the window and defenestrate the infesting manifestation...

Otherwise you must keep its infestuous manifesting until it can be properly defenestrated.

Or ship it to D.C. where it will live in perpetuity as a government pogrom, er program...

[NoCmpromiz]

The bears in NJ only drive Prisuses. They obtain them from lieberal bearhuggers who stop to feed them and who in turn are converted into lunch..

Every Prius has a “Ban the NJ BearHunt” bumpersticker. That’s how we know the original owner pre-bruin was a lieberal.

[Darksheare]

Yes, I forgot the bears in priuii on the roads.
Pull up next to you, swipe a paw at you, growl, then speed up wastefully slugging gas to get in front of you just to slow down.

[moose07]

“Not always.
Imagine being able to summon a rabid gang of motorcycle riding bears.
And they are irked at being summoned.”

That loud thump you just heard was my head landing on the table.
It had to be bears. LOL.

[moose07]

One very dark cold night some years ago, out in the middle of nowhere in particular a new wildlife threat was created by two deranged minds.
“Did you hear that?”
“Yep”
“....it could be a bear.”
“A f....bear? wow, it...”
“what?”
“Well, i can see anything through the NVG so...Stealth Bear!”
“What have we just brought into being..?”

[Darksheare]

“Why is it always BEARS?!”

[NicknamedBob]

"“Well, i can see anything through the NVG so...Stealth Bear!”

Ambrose Bierce wrote about that.

[moose07]

Yet again, BEARS:

“’We’ve started a deer,’ said. ‘I wish we had brought a rifle.’

“Morgan, who had stopped and was intently watching the agitated
chaparral, said nothing, but had cocked both barrels of his gun, and was
holding it in readiness to aim. I thought him a trifle excited, which
surprised me, for he had a reputation for exceptional coolness, even in
moments of sudden and imminent peril.

“’O, come!’ I said. ‘You are not going to fill up a deer with
quail-shot, are you?’

“Still he did not reply; but, catching a sight of his face as he
turned it slightly toward me, I was struck by the pallor of it. Then I
understood that we had serious business on hand, and my first conjecture
was that we had ‘jumped’ a grizzly. I advanced to Morgan’s side, cocking
my piece as I moved.

“The bushes were now quiet, and the sounds had ceased, but Morgan was as
attentive to the place as before.

“’What is it? What the devil is it?’ I asked.

“’That Damned Thing!’ he replied, without turning his head. His voice
was husky and unnatural. He trembled visibly.

[NicknamedBob]

My favorite part:

"It was not written as news, for it is incredible, but as fiction. It may go as a part of my testimony under oath."

"But you say it is incredible."

"That is nothing to you, sir, if I also swear that it is true."

It was a coroner's inquest. The deponent did not expect to be believed, but he was intent that his account be accepted as sworn testimony.