Could call it whining :-)
The “neo-Confederate” ad hominen attack and the president-directed armed attack are two different things: one is related to what happens when you just discuss the issue, one is related to what might (I apologize - I should have stated it as a hypothetical) happen if you actually do it.
The problem is that most people close down genuine discussions of secession - they associate sovereign states wanting to leave the Union with slavery and the grave political and moral mistakes the Southern states made 150 years ago.
The problem is also that most people assume that the issue of state secession, which the Constitution does not address well (or at all) was solved by Lincoln’s destructive forces. And, if a state tries to leave without Federal approval, the people may accept force again.
I would argue that one of the reasons that legitimate questions of peaceful secession get lumped in with civil war era secession is that actual Neo-Confederates WANT it that way -- any modern-day talk of secession (including states that are nowhere near the south) and they start a "the south was RIGHT!" thread on the internet, arguing that the civil war had nothing to with slavery, and wave the confederate flag around at Tea Party events. This does NOT help our side. (not to mention they totally accept the kool-aid from the mainstream media and the left that segregation-era Democrats were "the conservative party back then")