SEX CONTRACT
I, _______________________, hereby surrender all possibilities of friendship, commitment, marriage, guilt-trips and near-pregnancies in exchange for one (1) night of USDA approved fondling and fornication. I will not return to the scene of said activities, nor call, write or otherwise contact/harass or vex said co-signer of contract for a time of no less than thirty (30) days and nights after said activities have been fulfilled. I also surrender all rights to propagate rumors, misnomers and dirty looks in the cafeteria from myself and friends, and will treat said co-signer with all the respect due a stranger. I will say “hi” if we pass within ten (10) meters in a friendly, if not neutral, tone. I will also upon completion of heretofore listed activities not leave underwear, earrings or other insignificant yet oh-so-valuable knick-knacks lying about or hidden somewhere in the co-signer’s abode for the sole purpose of returning to said abode and breaking the no-contact agreement of this document. I furthermore state that I am of sound mind and desirable body, and will not call said co-signer by any other name than is his or her own, nor reminisce on some former slime-ball/great lover who wore the same cologne, roll-on, boxer shorts or robe. I will also pay one-half of all laundry fees as needed after prescribed activity.
Signed,
_____________________________________
Fornicator At Large
http://jokes.cc.com/funny-school-jokes/do7jnx/sex-contract
The old ‘sexual consent form’ joke isn’t a joke any more.
“Because the truth is, I don’t know how someone accused of sexual assault is supposed to prove they obtained consent under the new “yes means yes” policies.”
The correct answer is...they can’t! You can’t prove a negative so you are guilty of whatever a feminazi accuses you of.
if I was on the prowl in this time and age, (Thank God I am not. 30 Years and counting) I would get a really good recording voice device which I would have on me at all times in these situations.
That way there would be proof of what was actually said.
Marriage licenses are already recorded with the local jurisdiction. That’s all you need.
I have seen cases where mere incidental physical contact resulted in a claim of sexual assault. One woman I was dating actually tried pulling that on me - I touched her arm, and that set her off (this is the one who also accused me of being a member of Aryan Nation). The aftermath of dealing with this witch made some of the rules at Pensacola Christian College actually seem reasonable.
Guys will wear body wires.
Strap on a GoPro, and then tell her, “think of this as a legal condom, mmkay sweetie!”
Well, we COULD always go back to the olden days. You know, when a guy had to either go to a prostitute or put a ring on a woman’s finger in order to have sex with her. But somehow I don’t think any of today’s “poor, persecuted guys” want to go back there. They love the fact that women are sexually loose, so...here we are.
There is a simple answer, and it was given by the father of a friend’s girlfriend to that friend: “I hope the [blanking] you got was worth the [blanking] you’re gonna get.”
There’s an app for that, You text her a consent form detailing what activities she wants to engage in, and what’s off limits. next she fills in the boxes and texts it back. Then your phones have sex.
Columbia University has become a serious target of the ‘rape culture activists’ and responded with a new and draconian set of rules and standards for sexual assault in response to the new Title IX demands from the Dept. of Education.
You don’t have to actually be in contact with someone of either sex to get into trouble for ‘creating a hostile sexual environment”
If you are in a dorm room with some fellow students, Making sexually tinged remarks about someone walking across the campus like: “Yowza, see the gal with the diamond ring, she knows how to shake that thing”
That’ll put you in front of a panel of rape activists and wimpy liberal professors who can decide your future at the college.
I have an idea. How about if men band together, and fight for their equal rights?