Posted on 10/04/2014 1:27:44 PM PDT by SoFloFreeper
It is both awkward and encouraging the feedback I have received over the past few years for the writing I have done during my beloved’s illness, homegoing, and absence. I especially rejoice when I hear that the things I have written have served another in a time of hardship. It remains my intention to use what I have written in a book in the future. That said, I still believe that the most vulnerable, most insightful, most helpful thing I wrote all along this journey was this brief tweet:
I wish I had held her hand more — R.C. Sproul Jr. (@RCSproulJr) May 4, 2012
That is likely my deepest regret, that I did not hold her hand more.
It’s not, of course, that I never held her hand. It is likely, however, that I didn’t as often as she would have liked. Holding her hand communicates to her in a simple yet profound way that we are connected. Taking her hand tells her, “I am grateful that we are one flesh.” Taking her hand tells me, “This is bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.” It is a liturgy, an ordinary habit of remembrance to see more clearly the extraordinary reality of two being made one. It would have, even in the midst of a disagreement, or moments of struggle, communicated, “We’re going to go through this together. I will not let go.”
It would have also reminded us both of that secret but happy truth we kept from each other, that hidden reality that is equal parts embarrassment and giddy joy: that we’re just kids. Bearing children, feeding mortgages, facing adult sized hardships never really changes what we are inside. Holding her hand was like skipping through the park. Holding her hand was winking at her, as if to say, “I know you’re just a kid too. Let’s be friends.”
On the other hand, holding her hand more would have communicated to us both my own calling to lead her, and our home. Hand holding is a way to say both, “You are safe with me” and “Follow me into the adventure.” It would have reminded me that there is no abdicating, no shirking, no flinching in the face of responsibility. And as I lead it would be a constant anchor, a reminder that I lead not for my sake, but for hers.
Holding her hand more also would have spoken with clarity to the watching world. It would have said, “There’s a man who loves his wife.” It saddens me that so many only learn this after their wife is gone. Perhaps most of all, however, I wish I had held her hand more so that I could still feel it more clearly. I wish it had been such a constant habit that even now my hand would form into a hand holding shape each time I get in the car. I wish I could fall asleep feeling her hand in mine.
I know all this, happily, because I did hold her hand. I received all the blessings I describe above. I just wish I had received them more. It cost nothing, and bears dividends even to this day. If, for you, it’s not too late, make the investment. Hold her hand, every chance you get. You won’t regret it.
R.C. Sproul Jr. is rector and chair of philosophy and theology at Reformation Bible College. Originally published at RCSproulJr.com
I love that so much! Never had a man in my life like the one I do now. I’m not giving this one up easily. Luckily, he says the same... :)
ROFLMAO! Perfect!
I know what you mean. Mr. GG2 will have to die to get rid of me.
:)
Anything approaching a PDA is essentially unheard of in Japan. I have seen schoolgirls holding hands as they walk to and from school, but that's about it; adults, particularly married couples, never show affection publicly.
I hadn’t previously heard that you have someone new in your life, Diana. Congratulations, and best wishes for the rest of your co-existence!
Wonderful story. Thanks for sharing.
Most men have already ‘wearing the glove’ long before Ebola, if you know what I mean.
Really? How sweet! You don't often see that here in North America. I bet you hold hands almost all the time without shame or embarrassment when you are out with friends, or generally in public.
Good post. Nice screen name.
So how does anyone get anything done with only one hand? You don't have to clean the house together, do you?
Touch is a very important part of being alive.
It's one of the 5 senses for a reason.
From what I've seen, Americans hug each other a lot, but they rarely hold hands for long. Germans seem to touch each other, but never hold on, the Irish/Scottish fight to show love, and the Polish/Ukrainian hold hands.
Thanks for this excellent post.
Latin Americans hold hands among friends or siblings much more than is done by people in the U.S. or Canada.
How wonderful!
Congratulations, and best wishes from the fanfan family as well!
We don’t hold hands nearly enough. :-)
We have one child by the hand and another by the ear.
My husband and I hold hands. Of course. We’ve been married over 26 years.
I took offense to the “Americans and Germans don’t show affection like other nationalities do” line.
That line was BS. I am surprised no other FReeper caught that insult. The poster was saying Americans were unloving jerks, but he was a perfect man.
That is what I had a problem with.
*bump*
LOL! ... Okay...
LOL!
Good job Mom and Dad.
Actually, my husband holds my hand when we’re in a mall, but that’s just to prevent me from going shopping.
Thank you! It’s been wonderful. He’s someone that I’ve known for close to 30 years and never EVER ‘looked at’ as a romantic or life partner. Go figure!
When you’re just doin’ your own thing and minding your own business, sometimes Love just shows up. :)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.