Posted on 09/19/2014 7:54:07 AM PDT by Ebenezer
About a year ago, when I first started considering taking my kids out of public school, I wasn’t met with the kind of incredulous questioning that I expected after suggesting something so reckless and foolhardy. For the most part people were excited and supportive and helpful. Many thought we were already homeschooling, in fact. What surprised me most though is that folks who were concerned about the prudence of such a decision weren’t worried that my children might not learn enough or the the right things. They didn’t wonder how my kids would know how to be quiet when they were supposed to or to wait in lines when they have to.
No, the biggest concern among the concerned was: SOCIALIZATION. Ahhhh! Socialize those kids! Learnin’, schmlearning- those kids need to be among herds of other kids their exact age in order to learn how to be normal. In other words: homeschooled kids are annoying and weird, and you don’t want your kids to be annoying and weird, do you?
Annoying and weird.
Well, if someone tries to tell you that their kids are never annoying, they’re lying to you. And if someone else tries to tell you that any child of mine isn’t going to be at least a little weird no matter how they’re educated, they’ve lost their minds.
But I digress.
Why is this perception of the weirdo homeschooler so pervasive? Why is it that despite the clear academic achievement of most homeschooled students, the fear of them “acting like that one weirdo guy I knew when I was a kid” is enough to turn otherwise supportive folks against the idea? I’ve thought about it a lot and the best explanation I can come up with is this: ridicule.
See, everyone is born with a certain temperament. Parents of more than one will all attest to this. Same parents, same environment, same rules….completely different reactions from their children. And some kids- well, some kids are annoying. And what do I mean by “annoying”? I mean what people mean when they say that homeschooled kids are annoying. I mean kids who ask too many questions and know too much information and like certain stuff and refuse to like other things and don’t care what other people think about their silly hobbies and their know-it-all-ness.
When “annoying” kids like this go to a traditional school, they’re ridiculed. They have a hard, or even impossible, time finding their niche. They must either hide their true personality and inclinations in order to be accepted or they’re pushed to the fringes and made to feel abnormal. Not good enough. Made to feel less likable than those who keep their ideas and opinions to themselves or fail to form any to begin with. Made to feel that convictions and fascinations are stupid and that pop culture is the only culture. Not because “normal” kids are mean. They mostly don’t even know they’re doing it, I assure you. They just don’t know what to do with someone who’s so, like, weird. Ya know?
I know. I was one of those weird kids.
My eldest daughter knows. She is one of those weird kids.
But when one of those “annoying” kids is homeschooled, no one makes fun of their outfits that don’t match. Or the fact that they like to memorize things and wish the math assignments were harder. No one looks at them askance when they know every answer to every question and are eager to share their knowledge. When an annoying kid like that finds a new hobby and wants to learn everything they can about it and talk about it incessantly, no one treats them like there’s something wrong with pursuing an interest like that, no matter how dull it may seem to the other members of the homeschool classroom. They are not ridiculed into trying to be who God didn’t create them to be.
“Oh but dweej…that’s real life! You can’t just go around being annoying all the time. Better they learn now than later!”
Better they learn what? That the crowd knows best? That their interests are boring and a waste of time? That they need to wear a certain thing and buy a certain thing in order to be worth people’s time? Better they learn now not to stand up for themselves?
Because that’s the thing. By the time annoying people like that are older, they’re older. They’ve advanced beyond certain stages of childhood and are better able to confidently stand up for what they believe in. The idea of being ostracized by a group of people that they don’t really like anyway no longer sends them into a panic. If they spend their whole childhood trying to be something they’re not or believing that what they are is weird and weird is bad, they’ll enter adulthood with those same perceptions, that same lack of self-confidence.
If, on the other hand, they’re able to cultivate their interests, learn to be comfortable in their own quirky skin, encouraged to achieve as much as their little over-achieving hearts desire, they’ll enter adulthood with the confidence to continue on that path. They won’t automatically wonder if people will disagree or make fun of them when they make assertions or cling to ideals. And if those people do disagree or make fun of them they won’t care. Because they’re not kids anymore. They’re all grown up!
Of course, not every homeschooled kid is like that. Not even every one of the kids who lives in this house is like that. But no one asks the “normal” kids and adults if they were homeschooled. It doesn’t cross their minds. Because they’re so, you know, normal.
But the homeschooled kids who are like that, who are “annoying” are so different, so confident, so willing to allow themselves to be something that the majority of society has labeled as weird, that people can’t help but paint all homeschooled families with the weirdo brush. Because shouldn’t kids like that want to keep their mouths shut and keep their opinions to themselves?
And that’s why homeschooled kids are so annoying. Because no one tells them that the way God made them isn’t cool enough.
I've met public schooled kids who are great (I raised some and they have some great friends as well) and some who are annoying.
Heck, there are many adults who are annoying. I don't think there's a correlation here.
We homeschool our kids and I too find that the attitudes of some regarding the superiority of homeschooling to be annoying. I have found that it is not present in the majority of homeschooling families. It has been a humbling and challenging endeavor for my previously confident, high achieving self. I do not have the time or energy to criticize how others raise or educate their children when I am just trying not to utterly fail with my own!
Many families have their kids involved in activities with non homeschoolers so kids are exposed to people with different beliefs and lifestyles and learn to get along pretty well.
Arrogant people are everywhere, we’ve lost friends who were offended that we pulled our kids out of school as they believe that public school is superior to homeschooling. I’ve had women literally turn away when I walked past. And I am a bit of a mouse in public, I was never in their face about our decision. In fact, I avoid bringing it up at all cost.
Right. You would think from the conventional “wisdom” that homeschooled kids are hermits. Even the Amish, in their very tightly-knit environment, socialize with (and help) each other.
“They must either hide their true personality and inclinations in order to be accepted or they’re pushed to the fringes and made to feel abnormal.”
There’s always a period of being an outsider for any kid moving to a new school. After a few weeks they find some friends. End of story.
PFL.
We moved a lot, I was not a good student, not popular (I was shy), people later told me that they thought I was stuck up. Truth be told I was scared to death. I was short, frequently picked on. I was slow learner, I got it eventually but no one ever had any patience with me. In short, I hated school.
Truth be told my parents would have been disasters at home schooling as they were as parents, but I digress.
I used to teach religious ed. Public school kids and home school kids. One night a week. I loved the home school kids. In my opinion they really did not need to be in my class. They already knew the material. But any way, the public school kids are by in large a mess. The public schools have become not much more than indoctrination centers that provide day care.
The public school kids could not even read and comprehend at grade level. Socialization? The kids are being put in day care at 6 weeks old, so their parents can buy more crap!
Home Schoolers, I salute you! If your "annoying weirdos" were running the world we'd be much better off!
This article seems quite apropos:
Why Nerds are Unpopular:
http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html
Hits a lot of same notes. Basically schools are artificial environments which do not at all reflect the real world. In the real world people who are smart and good at doing something, and enjoy it, are valued. In school there are pretty much only one field where achievement is really appreciated - sports. Otherwise it’s all pretty much a social game, kind of like “Survivor” for kids.
It’s a miracle I got out of public school as sane and balanced as I did. Not to say that home schooling is the only option, but the current model clearly doesn’t work all that well. I wonder if public schools are the same everywhere in the world? I suspect not - I don’t think it’s like this, or at least not to nearly the same extent, in China, Korea, or Japan, for example. Of course, our popular culture is pretty much anti-intellectual...
I do find it interesting that no one ever says "why are there so many weird kids in public schools?" - Since there are so many more kids in public or private schools than what are homeschooled, "those" kids have to come from somewhere.
“Home-schooled kids are still subject to many aspects of normal socialization - they are (usually) exposed to television and popular culture. They go to stores and malls. They have friends in the neighborhood who they play with and associate with. They join clubs and sports teams (little league, etc.).”
Yes. What they don’t have to deal with is being forced to go, day after day, back to a place where the children are basically in charge and a “Lord of the Flies” atmosphere permeates.
They use their brains, don’t follow the ‘piper’ and look for truth.
Great comment.
That attitude is fostered by NEA and statists of all sorts.
The problem isn’t just government school. The problem is SCHOOL.
School is the invention of totalitarians. Government school is the pure form. Private school is the slightly mitigated form. Both are EVIL.
School was invented to destroy the family. In the U.S., government school was imposed in order to destroy the family, Christianity, and the Constitution. The Unitarians/Communists/Progressives have always had a plan. The “conservatives” have had none.
I am homeschooling a ten year old. Every public school teacher we meet expresses concern over socialization. I ask, “At the expense of education?” Everyone of them hesitates, but eventual agrees, not at the expense of education, but barely. Soon, “socialization”, which in my book is synonymous with indoctrination, will be more important than education.
I believe that public school educators, environmentalists, civil rights supporters and the lot, approach their ideas as a faith; these ideas have supplanted religion in their life. THey are so blind to this that they cannot see how they pursue these ideals with the passion that religious zealots approach theirs. It is worse, however, because their new faith is false and man made and changes with the wind but that does not prevent their crusade.
I heard about a guy who, when asked how his homeschooled son got “socialized,” jokingly said, “Oh, I’ve got that covered. Once a week I drag him into the bathroom, beat him up, take his lunch money, and make fun of him.”
While there is a lot here, the "Government school is child abuse" still applies.
Perhaps homeschoolers become Pharisaical in reaction to the smug, aggressive, ignorant dupes of the State who sneer at their decision to homeschool.
“People say, ‘How will your son be socialized if he doesn’t go to school?’ I tell them, ‘That’s easy. Every morning, I take him in the bathroom, beat him up, and take his lunch money.”
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