[Dagnabitt]

I would like to introduce my life partner, my husband, Mitch Obama.

Mitch emerges, for the first time without wig and makeup. Stunned silence, then rapturous cheering and applause from media.

[PA-RIVER]

Let me be clear.

Like you, I did not know I aided Islamic Jihad and started a genocidal slaughter until I saw it on TV.