Soccer Critics Are Right, But it’s Time to Zip it and Cheer

Townhall.com ^ | June 27, 2014 | Mark Davis

[Kaslin]

I think the points have been made:

— Soccer is largely a tedious game featuring long stretches of uneventful play punctuated by the all-too-rare moment of scoring;

— The clock concept is infuriating. We love the 45-minute halves with no commercials, but then the arbitrary one or three or six minutes of “extra time” violate every concept of precision that a clocked sport should have;

— Soccer has its fan base, and it is not small; but the pressure on America to embrace it to some far larger degree is absurd. We simply never will as long as we have other sports featuring far deeper intrigue.

I have spent a lot of time during World Cup 2014 making these very points against those passionate souls who have insisted that this is the year, this is the time, now is the juncture at which America welcomes soccer in a fashion approaching football, baseball, basketball— hockey, maybe ? Golf? NASCAR?

Nope. Not going to happen. They say never say never. I’m saying never. Soccer will never— ever— reach consistent viewer levels approaching even our fifth or sixth most popular sports, in terms of TV ratings and attendance.

The attempt by elites to cram soccer down our throats are comical, as we are made to feel like rubes for not embracing the sport most of the world loves— because most of the world doesn’t have anything else.

That said, I have heard the diatribes and read the columns crafted by people pushing back against soccer fever— and enjoyed them all, and agreed with most.

But with the USA team’s improbable path into the World Cup’s final 16, I want to offer advice to all the soccer critics— everybody gets it. Points made. Now shut up and root for the Americans.

There has been a window for slapping soccer around. It was wide open for the opening games, when soccer dorks scolded anyone not embracing the sport as God’s greatest gift. We gave as good as we got, and we won. Even the late-arriving bandwagon types knew they were crowded into various venues for two reasons— first, the USA was playing, and second, we understood what a big worldwide deal it is.

As soon as America is ousted— and that could well be after the Belgium game Tuesday afternoon— this entire phenomenon evaporates. We will not gather by the thousands to watch Argentina battle Colombia. But if we can get by Belgium and make the Final Eight— the nation will be going crazy, and everyone keeping the soccer hate alive will come off looking like a bunch of jerks.

I say this with all love to people I share a lot of space with. Conservatives in particular have had a great time savaging soccer— from Ann Coulter, who properly taps the brakes on any sport where girls compete alongside boys, to Marc Thiessen, who crafts a sublime argument that soccer is socialist.

But the fact of the matter is that the world plays it, the world cares about it, and the United States of America might just crash the party even further.

If we do, there is only one proper reaction: celebration. By dinnertime Sunday, July 13, the World Cup final will be over. The USA team will probably not be involved. The next day, America will return to its default soccer setting of ambivalence leaning toward disinterest.

All the critics will have been proven right. There will be no burst of marketplace appetite for soccer in our daily, even yearly lives.

But between now and whenever the USA is done, if the whole World Cup thing is too boring for you or too foreign or too whatever— keep it to yourself. Thousands of your countrymen will be busting their behinds to excel at a game the world cares about a lot more than we do— which should be cause for enthusiasm. We all know American football, baseball and basketball are far better than anything other nations can offer up. As such, American successes in those sports on a world stage are not so surprising.

But for a team of Americans to fight its way out of a group containing three teams from nations that live and die for soccer? To face next week another country that does not have Jack Squat except for soccer? For us to excel in that context makes me enormously proud, even with my pocketful of criticisms for what the world calls “football.”

I know what football is. It is the punishing, compelling, high-scoring affair culminating every year in a Super Bowl that excites me more than any soccer game ever will.

But right now, a team of Americans is trying to win a tournament followed by more human beings than will watch any Super Bowl. I, for one, will cheer for them to win it. And to all of you who have sought to show us how cool you are, or how conservative you are, by bad-mouthing soccer? Stow it for a while. Not because you are wrong, but because large throngs of your fellow Americans will be rooting for our nation to do well on this world stage. And a handful of your countrymen wearing our colors are fighting hard to make us proud.

So let’s be proud. We have the rest of our lives to push back against those who overstate soccer’s appeal. Until our fellow Americans are shown the door, let’s appreciate them by not denigrating their field of battle.

[the scotsman]

No problem.

BTW, we have signed Kris Boyd and good rumours swirling about re Dave King buying out the shareholders we want rid of, and being in control of Rangers by August. But just rumours.

But Boydy has signed, Ross Perry is gone, and allegedly three more new signings before the start of the season. One of which may be ex-Hearts and Kilmarnock defender Ismail Bouzid, who is on trial at Ibrox. Rumours also circulate about Bougherra returning on a free transfer, which if true would be immense.

P.S if you ever get to Scotland and a Rangers game, let me know and we can meet up. Drinks, food and matchday programme on me.

[the scotsman]

Calm down, lassie. I am not badgering you into anything.
All I am doing is replying to your post. Most of which was about your assertion soccer is socialist/communist.

If I AM going to badger, in fact it would be to give rugby a try. I really think youd enjoy watching it. Probably more than soccer.

I am curious to know what professional game you saw.

[the scotsman]

Same offer from me to the Colonel goes for you. If you are ever in Scotland, near Glasgow/Ayrshire, let me know, and I would be happy to meet, Rangers game or not. If a game is one, Id be happy to pay for the ticket.

[dfwgator]

Are Gers back in the SPL yet?

[the scotsman]

Ticket on me as well.

[the scotsman]

Next year.

We are in the Championship ie old Div 1. Thanks for Hearts and Hibs miserable last season’s, they are in it as well, along with the likes of Falkirk, Dunfermline etc.

Experts expect it to be the most watched, biggest ticket selling league next season, ahead of the SPL!. As three of Scotlands greatest club, and its greatest club (Rangers) are not in the SPL. TV audiences are expected to be bigger as well.

Rangers since demotion to div 3 have won div 3 and div 2 back to back, should win this one, then its back to the SPL. Where I am confident in 2015-16, we will win the league at first try back, and 2016-17, we will be back in European competition. Where we belong: as the premier club in Scotland.

The club will have been sorted off field, and the last few years will be but a blip, a salutary one though.

[SamAdams76]

I think soccer might have a chance catching on the U.S. but first, we are going to have to implement some serious changes with the sport (and these changes shall have to be adopted by the other nations in the world).

For one thing, stop using the head to deflect the ball! That looks so dorky. I understand you don't want soccer players catching and throwing the ball. I get that. But what's wrong with just using your hands like in volleyball? Not to catch and throw (which is against volleyball rules too) but to deflect the ball or set up for a kick.

Have the clock run backwards like a normal sport. Stop adding minutes to it to make up lost time. Instead, just stop the clock and resume once play begins.

Those tube socks! What is it, 1977 all over again? Over the calf socks look stupid in 2014. Makes me want to break out a Peter Frampton or Supertramp album. Even NBA players are wearing them just over the shoe. Ditch the stupid socks.

Those are just three of the necessary changes.

That said, good luck to USA against whatever team they are playing in knockout round. Still, a win, tie and a loss is not exactly an inspiring way to make it to the next round. There's just something not right about that.

[LibertarianLiz]

It was years ago. The first professional soccer team in Seattle (it folded after a year or two). My brother (lefty) and his son (raised by two leftys) wanted to see a soccer game, so we went. They liked it, I was grateful when it was over. Seattle now has a new professional soccer team (The Sounders), and the left has now brain-washed enough young people where they can actually get a fairly full stadium. However, they have this habit of linking arms and walking down the streets to the stadium. Is that normal?

Again, I re-iterate, that I was mostly teasing my daughters about this; probably stemming from my dislike of the game.

[the scotsman]

Ach, you need to come to Europe and watch some real top-level teams. Although to be fair, the MLS is far better than it was years ago.

Arms linking is not uncommon, not weird, Euro/UK fans don’t tend to do it, but are very physically passionate about celebrating, cheering. We’d tend to move en masse, waving flags, singing, maybe not the arms together, lol.

I think you’d enjoy a game over here, with the history and the atmosphere, allied to a higher standard of play. At the very least youd enjoy the atmosphere and passion. Again, give rugby a try if soccer isn’t for you.

People aren’t brainwashed into soccer. They follow it because they love it, as I do, and I have loved it since I was five. Just as other people love their sports. I love soccer, think its a great game, not boring at all. I cant understand why anyone watches baseball, and I understand why the vast majority of Brits, Irish and Europeans/Aussies/Kiwis/S Africans etc laugh at gridiron.

You take to a sport or you don’t. C’est la vie.

[LibertarianLiz]

I cant understand why anyone watches baseball

There, now you are where I am with soccer; because I am a baseball fan. I have watched baseball since I was a kid, and I still do. My husband will only watch if it is a game where a lot of runs are being scored, by our team. He does not quite appreciate the skill of a "pitchers duel".

As we say over here -- to each his own.

[Colonel_Flagg]

It is not badgering to point out that you are condemning something you almost literally know nothing about.

But, an A for effort for you.

[Kaslin]

I am not aware that minutes are added in soccer. The game is exactly 90 minutes long. The teams change after 45 minutes. If there is a tie, the teams will have to play again at another time. Most likely a week later. The reason why the head is used by players is because hands can not be used. It is after all a sport were the feet are used. Hence the German Name Fußball. Only the goal keeper can use the hands and the reason is to prevent the other team from scoring.

[Colonel_Flagg]

I need to make that happen, sir!

Very glad to see Boydy back. Bougherra would be wonderful and I am also very glad to see that you appear to be a King man. I an sick and tired of watching our club run into the ground. It is time to get back to where we ought to be, looking down the table at that other club in Glasgow!

[Kaslin]

The ball is thrown in with the hands if it has been kicked outside of the field, and the goalies use their hands to throw the back to players.

[Kaslin]

When there are ties the teams replays the game a week later

[Colonel_Flagg]

In some Cup tournaments, yes. Not in most leagues.

In England’s FA Cup, there are replays and in the event of a second draw, penalties decide the outcome. In smaller cup competitions, sometimes it goes right to penalties.

Most domestic leagues still allow draws because the schedule congestion would be too great to allow replay of every tied game.

[Gamecock]

The Kia commercial that ends with the line: “For one month let’s all be futbol fans.”

NO!

I’ll suffer through when the US plays, but once they are out I’ll stop watching.

[the scotsman]

Don’t stop watching. Its been a great WC, and youll enjoy the rest of the tournament.

[the scotsman]

I don’t deny baseball players have great skill, I just find it far too long and as a result, dull.

[LibertarianLiz]

And, I understand that. Thanks for the polite debate.