I think it’s great how you live, giving mom a bit of independence while seeing to her needs. Love it.
One point I really need to make on something you said. Please don’t EVER say to ANYONE “I’d never put my parent into a home.” Even if it is true. The reason I say that is because alzheimers takes away a person’s personality or self control or many other functioning ways. I’m on an alzheimers caregiver list, and because of that line, that every loving child thinks about his own parents, good people are being beaten down literally and figuratively, keeping their spouses or parents home at all costs.
There comes a time when they just can’t do the heavy work any more. I won’t go into all the terrible experiences, that can go on 24/7, that a caregiver can suffer when their loved one is deep down the alzheimers path. You can imagine, and some of the experiences are far worse than you can imagine. But it’s time we ALL started caring for the caregivers in our neighborhoods. Trust me, they are struggling. Some actually die before their affected partners because it’s too much for them.
Luckily my parents could afford full time at home round the clock care. Not everyone can. Sometimes people physically simply can’t do it any more. I’m just saying, because I’m getting to know that world. Sometimes there is no other way than a home for the memory impaired. It helps to have neutral people help.
I totally understand. We DO have Alzheimer’s in our family. My aunt on my Dad’s side. My step mom also went through it with her mother, and it’s NOT pretty. My Mom’s hairdresser also has a client, whom we met last time we were there, that is in her late eighties and has declined significantly over the last few years. You could see the strain on her husbands face. Said she had been a devout Catholic all her life, and you would never hear a swear word cross her lips, but lately she’d let out with a string of cuss words aimed at her husband, vicious, mean things that would normally never occur. My step mom said her mother got the same way, and in her more lucid moments would apologize. It’s something that cant be controlled. If it ever comes to that, I will look for help. I have 4 older brothers that will need to kick in for that cost if it happens. So far it has not, and Mom’s doctor told us a couple months ago she has no signs of it. Still sharp as a tack (you should see her answer the questions on Jeapordy!). I’m glad that so far she’s independent, and I’ll do what I can to keep her out of a home, and in the little home she loves so much. But, you are right, sometimes life happens, and you CANT do it all. God Bless You and the work you do. I’m sure it can’t be easy.