[Elsie]

New Md. health care delivery system will prioritize wellness ...

Patient: Cough - cough

 

Receptionist: Hello; what can the United States Health and Wellbeing Service do for you?

 

Patient:  I have this bad cough.

 

Receptionist:  I can see that; what can the United States Health and Wellbeing Service do for you?

 

Patient:  I need some medicine to cure it.

 

Receptionist:  That might be true; what can the United States Health and Wellbeing Service do for you?

 

Patient:  I need to see the Doctor.

 

Receptionist:  That might be true; but really you just WANT to see the Doctor.

 

Patient:  No; I really need to see him about this cough.  It's getting worse.

 

Receptionist:  If you insist.  Sit down with this pad of forms and fill in the data.

 

Patient:  OOf!  that is HEAVY!  I thought the United States Health and Wellbeing Service got rid of paper LONG ago?

 

Receptionist:  We did; but the HatefulConservatives kept complaining that patients identities were constantly being stolen and they wanted to starve children by making us go back to paper files again.

 

Patient:  I see.

 

Receptionist:  Mumble: I'll bet you do... 

 

a few moments later...

 

Patient:  Miss;

 

Receptionist:  That's MS; if you please!

 

Patient:  Ok; MS; the text on the page is AWFULLY small and my bleary eyes cannot make out a lot of it.

 

Receptionist:  (heavy sigh) OK; what can the United States Health and Wellbeing Service do for you?

 

Patient:  Could someone HELP me with this?

 

Receptionist:  LOOK!  I get paid to ask you "What can the United States Health and Wellbeing Service do for you?" NOT baby sit your problems!  You should have brought in a caregiver if you needed help!!

 

Patient:  But I didn't know...

 

Receptionist:  OK, ok, ok... I'll read them to you; but do NOT let anyone else in the waiting room know.

 

Patient:  All right.

 

Receptionist:  1. Have you followed the United States Health and Wellbeing Service Guideline for Good Health rules and regulations?

 

Patient:  I think so.

 

Receptionist:  Yes or No!

 

Patient:  Uh; yes.

 

Receptionist:  2. HAve you exercized the correct hours each day, as prescribed by the United States Health and Wellbeing Service Guideline for Good Health rules and regulations?

 

Patient:  Yes.

 

Receptionist:  3. have you eaten the correct amount of fruit, as prescribed by  the United States Health and Wellbeing Service Guideline for Good Health rules and regulations?

 

Patient:  Yes.

 

Receptionist:  4. Have you drunk the correct fluids, as prescribed by  the United States Health and Wellbeing Service Guideline for Good Health rules and regulations?

 

Patient:  Yes.

 

Receptionist:  5. Have you had sex, in the authorized positions, as prescribed by  the United States Health and Wellbeing Service Guideline for Good Health rules and regulations?

 

Patient:  WHAT???

 

Receptionist:  5. Have you had sex, in the ...

 

Patient:  I HEARD THAT!!! What!!??!!

 

Receptionist:  Sigh; did you NOT receive the update from the United States Health and Wellbeing Service that amended the Guideline for Good Health rules and regulations - Rev 13.69?

 

Patient:  uh; I only have a copy that is Rev 13.68...

 

Receptionist:  Ah... there's your problem.   Since you've NOT followed the Guideline for Good Health rules and regulations COMPLETELY; it is evident that you have made yourSELF sick; and we at the United States Health and Wellbeing Service only treat those who have gotten sick from FOLLOWING the rules.

 

Patient:  But...

 

Receptionist:  Next!!!

 

[Cincinatus' Wife]

Bump!

[Elsie]