[Lakeshark]

The ancient Hawaiians believed their royalty could stop the march of lava flows before the lava would ruin their settlements. It has been recently learned that Obama was the source of that power, having existed long before he went to Punahou (and had his grades and records miraculously disappeared).

[Norm Lenhart]

Following a recently reported story regarding the famed Easter Island stone heads and the discovery of their bodies beneath, noted climate researcher James Hansen of NASA has submitted proof by consensus that a lowering of the sea level brought on by the inauguration of U.S. President Barack Obama was responsible for the revelation.