Posted on 12/28/2010 7:18:34 AM PST by Kaslin
In my previous column, I offered an answer to the question: What do men want?
I made the case that what men most want from the woman they love is to be admired.
If my answer is correct, and if we presume that the natures of men and women are complementary (a presumption many men and women understandably doubt given how often men and women do not get along), what women most want must be related to that which men most want.
I believe it is.
What a woman most wants is to be loved by a man she admires.
I am well aware that to say this today is akin to announcing that the sun revolves around the Earth. For half a century, we have been told that what women most want is professional success and equality. And to the extent that a modern "liberated" woman does admit to wanting a man to love, she will say that she wants a "partner" who is her "equal." And girls and women have been told -- or, more accurately, have had drummed into them -- that equality means that both sexes are essentially the same (except for the physical differences) and therefore want the same things. Equality and sameness have been rendered synonymous. That is why she cannot say -- and ideally wouldn't even admit to herself -- that she wants a man to admire; that would be "sexist," as it would imply an unequal relationship.
The notion that a woman most wants a man, admirable or not, has been scoffed at. This was encapsulated by the famous feminist slogan "A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle." Even feminism that did not agree with the fish-bicycle metaphor communicated to young women that an "authentic" woman would not have as her greatest desire to bond with a man.
Today, feminism holds less appeal for young women than it did for the previous generation, but "equality" remains the liberal god of the day. That renders my theory -- that a woman wants to be cherished by a man she admires -- politically incorrect in the extreme.
It is problematic enough to say that a woman most wants a man. But that pales compared to the claim that she most wants a man whom she admires. That seems to affirm gender inequality. The image it conjures up is of a woman looking up to her man as if he were some sort of lord and she his serf.
Yet, any woman who believes that she is married to an admirable man would laugh at such a dismissal. Admiring one's husband doesn't render a woman a serf. It renders her fortunate.
The truth is that almost nothing -- including job success -- elevates a woman in her own eyes as much as being loved by a husband whom she admires. That is why when married women get together, they don't talk about their jobs nearly as much as men do. They talk, among other things, about their man if they are proud of him, and complain about him if they are not. Even most feminists are happiest when married to a man they admire.
And what is it that women most admire in a man? From decades of talking to women on the radio and, of course, from simply living life, I have concluded that an admirable man is one who has three qualities: strength, integrity and ambition.
All three are needed. Strength without integrity is machismo. Integrity without strength or without ambition is a milquetoast. And ambition without integrity is a successful crook.
Women are drawn to strong men. Though many men, when asked the secret to their long marriage, answer, "I learned to always say, 'Yes, Dear,'" the truth is that most women are not attracted to "Yes, Dear" men who always give in to a woman's whim. They are attracted to a man who exhibits strength in the outer world and at home as husband and father.
But that strength must come with integrity. If it doesn't, he is a strong bad man. And while more than a few women fall for bad men (precisely because of the power of masculine strength to attract women), most women do not want such a man over the long run.
And ambition does not mean that he is necessarily rich, but that he is a hard worker who wants to improve himself; plenty of men who earn relatively little are admired and loved by their wives. That is why a major "turn-off" to most women is a husband who sits and watches television all night (let alone all day).
The beauty of all this is that it all comes together for men, for women and for society.
Women get what they want most: to be married to and loved by a man they admire. Men then attain what they want most: to be admired by the woman they love. And society gets the thing it most needs: admirable men.
Unfortunately, none of this is taught at college.
You must be drawn to that kind of woman. There are far more of us real women than Barbie dolls.
Well I greatly admire my guy and he loves me to death. So there ya go.
Can I humbly disagree? There are men who dearly love their wives in every way, are strong, have integrity - but it is not returned.
Perhaps it is because of missing the 3rd missing element Prager notes: admiration.
If a woman does not admire her man, his love means little, or nothing.
And I believe there are cases where he is not admired inspite of having both strength and integrity.
Of course, this is just my humble opinion - from living on this planet for 65 years.... :-)
Might as well add my two cents. A man who will hold me securely with one hand and fight off the world with the other. When I say the world, I am including the world of finances. I have always been a practical woman, diamonds and Benzes do nothing for me except make me question the motive of the giver. A vacation, on the other hand is great, to build dreams and memories together somewhere warm and sunny. I am very different, maybe it’s being ex- army, I do not like stuff. Stuff holds me back from moving on to the next great adventure.
I tend to believe it’s “Security”, although this dynamic is changing as women become more independent and have their own high paying jobs. They can now provide for themselves and don’t really need a man for survival.
I think this article explains my opinion better than I could (despite the source):
“From the early days of B.C., we had caveman and cavewoman - and naturally, the strongest and most capable caveman endured. The strongest caveman was resourceful and skilled as a hunter; as a result, he was able to capture and kill the finest dinosaurs and animal species. He enjoyed the finest of T-Rex sirloins, while the less powerful caveman was only able to pick berries and salad greens - he simply lacked the strength and power that was needed to survive in an untamed world. Now the cavewoman was attracted to the brute and brawn of a man - and simply put, ADT and Brink’s security were nonexistent back then, therefore the strength of a caveman meant alot - it equated to security - and security equated to survival. So who wins the girl 9 times out of 10? The big, strong masculine caveman. And I am assuming that out of 10 women, 1 is probably a vegetarian, so she was cool with Mr. Scrawny Caveman. But the majority of women at that time flocked to Mr. Strong Caveman. He was the man.
Of course, as the scrawny caveman lost out on luring the finest of women, over time he had to invent things like technology, sushi, cars, airplanes, books, stoves, etc. not only to balance the playing field, but to mitigate the potential threat of extinction. He did a great job of putting a monkey wrench in the Strong Caveman Domination theory, and to ensure that he would have staying power, he invented a nasty word to describe the strong man once dominated over the land: GOON. The scrawny caveman owned businesses and created major power moves in life, while the strong caveman had to work security jobs and earn meager pay to stay afloat. So what did the strong caveman do to compensate? He invented boxing, football, soccer and basketball, began to earn legions of fans around the world, he unionized, and now (today), he is “balling”.
So, I think that I get it. Woman need security, financially and emotionally. The brute strength of muscles and intelligence create a balance that should appeal to a woman.”
Read more: http://www.essence.com/relationships/men/are_rich_men_better_lovers_the_caveman_t.php#ixzz19QDpT8rs
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Wow. You have a VERY skewed view of women.
Sad.
Who said you had to be barefoot? That's what flip-flops are for.
/ducks
No, you can wear slippers /s
Who said you had to be barefoot? That's what flip-flops are for.
/ducks
A woman needs to be wanted.
A man wants to be needed.
Good response. Thanks from another mom :)
Excellent post. I feel the same way
Exactly
A woman wants unconditional love.
Hmmm... isn’t that how Christ loves the Church? There might be something to this Bible after all!
Exactly
You are not the norm when it comes to women these days. Thus, our opinions are based on the majority.
I don’t think the majority of women want a man they admire. They want a man all of their friends admire. Most Women (and too many men) frequently require external validation of all of their choices.
I, OTOH, believe it’s security. A woman wants to feel secure in her life and in her relationship with her husband.
Any sign that he is backsliding in his love and commitment to her is cause for her to fear, and that triggers those romantic fantasies that endanger the entire relationship with him.
Of course, his backsliding can be result of his own fantasies, which do not need to be romantic. They can simply be a fantasy about a life free of all those family responsibilities that pressure him all the time.
Men want to be appreciated and women want to be needed. It’s in our makeup. Sadly enough, women have been doing everything in their power to work against this nature.
In the past several decades men have been devalued and women taught that their needs come first. It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature.
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