Posted on 03/04/2010 7:17:35 AM PST by Kaslin
WASHINGTON -- Memo to that Massachusetts school where children in physical education classes jump rope without using ropes: Get some ropes. And you -- you are about 85 percent of all parents -- who are constantly telling your children how intelligent they are: Do your children a favor and pipe down.
These are nuggets from "NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children" by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman. It is another book to torment modern parents who are determined to bring to bear on their offspring the accumulated science of child-rearing. Modern parents want to nurture so skillfully that Mother Nature will gasp in admiration at the marvels their parenting produces from the soft clay of children.
Those Massachusetts children are jumping rope without ropes because of a self-esteem obsession. The assumption is that thinking highly of oneself is a prerequisite for high achievement. That is why some children's soccer teams stopped counting goals (think of the damaged psyches of children who rarely scored) and shower trophies on everyone. No child at that Massachusetts school suffers damaged self-esteem by tripping on the jump rope.
But the theory that praise, self-esteem and accomplishment increase in tandem is false. Children incessantly praised for their intelligence (often by parents who are really praising themselves) often underrate the importance of effort. Children who open their lunchboxes and find mothers' handwritten notes telling them how amazingly bright they are tend to falter when they encounter academic difficulties. Also, Bronson and Merryman say that overpraised children are prone to cheating because they have not developed strategies for coping with failure.
(Excerpt) Read more at townhall.com ...
I praise my daughter’s intelligence frequently, but then, at 5, my daughter likes talking about exoplanets, and her favorite video is “Walking with Monsters”, part of the BBC series on prehistoric animals that covers the 300 million years before the dinosaurs (a series aimed at high-school or higher-educated audiences).
I agree one should rarely praise children for immutable traits like intelligence or good looks, but intelligence DOES set limits on academic achievement, and gifted children WILL figure out that they are gifted. My son as a 2nd grader scored above the average 4th grader on the SCAT test used in the Johns Hopkins CTY talent search. I won’t lie to him about what I think those scores mean — that mentally he is at the level of at least a 4th grader.
There’s a difference between overpraising and underpraising. Praise a kid when he or she does something significant. But don’t let the kid think he or she’s the center of the universe. Kids need to be taught their place.
Praise when it’s due. Criticize when it’s due. Don’t overdo either. This way, the kids know you’re being honest with them. And when they get older, they’ll love you for it.
I didn’t tell my daughter that she was smart. I told her that hard work beats smart every time. She’s now about a year and a half away from a PhD.
Exactly! Smart is neither here nor there. It’s what you DO that matters. My kids were the smartest underachievers you ever saw!
BTTT
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.