Replies

“Hello and thank you for calling the T-90 support line. Please listen as our options have recently changed.

If you are having difficulty with the drive system (forward or reverse), please press 1.

If you are having difficulty with the main cannon or turret, please press 2.

If you are having difficulty with the navigation or other electronics, please press 3.

If you are having difficulty with the machine gun, please press 4.

If your armour has been breached or you are under heavy fire, please hang up and call 1-800-USA-HELP, then press the 9 key.”

(boop-beep-bop)

>>Hello, I am Sandeep. How can I be helping you this fine day?<<

My site scope isn’t tracking. It just looks blurry.

>>I am sorry your site scope isn’t tracking and just looks blurry. Pleasing you are to write down the following support case number: 87799188211199812234-ARD. Also, is there a phone number I can call you at if we do not complete this call?<<

1-814-252-1234

>>Thanking you. Now, please tell me the serial number on your scope. It is in a tag next to the vodka dispenser.<<

8992001

>>Thanking you. Now, we will have to reboot the tank. Please have everyone get out of the tank and type “RBT” on the tank console. When it asks for the authorization code, enter 1771-SANDEEP-1.<<

We can’t get out of the tank. We are next to the Pakistan border!

>>Thanking You. Now that you are out of the tank and the reboot has started, pleasing you are to wait 15 minutes, then type “765-STARTUP” on the console<<

We haven’t started it yet! We can’t get out unless we want our butts shot off!

>>Thanking You. Am I to understand your butt is keeping you from the exiting the tank?<<

Etc...