Posted on 10/02/2009 2:26:55 PM PDT by llevrok
ST. LUCIE COUNTY — A 30-year-old man was arrested Thursday on a host of charges after a bag of cocaine “shot out” of his backside in a gas station, according to an affidavit released Friday.
Investigators said they got a tip that cocaine was being transported in a brown Cadillac in the area of Interstate 95 and Midway Road, and investigators found the vehicle Thursday morning at a gas station at Midway and Glades Cut-Off roads.
The affidavit gave this account:
A man was pumping gas into the vehicle, and a drug sniffing dog smelled narcotics in the vehicle and the area where the man, identified as Warren Leonard Wiley, stood. A search of Wiley turned up a crumpled dollar bill with cocaine in it.
“Wiley was then escorted to the men’s room for a more detailed search,” the affidavit states. “While being escorted, Wiley dropped his shorts in the middle of the store stating, ‘I don’t have nothing.’ ”
Wiley’s backside appeared “clenched tight” as if he was hiding something. While walking, his backside relaxed and a clear bag with about 22 grams of cocaine in it “shot out” onto the store’s floor.
“Wiley then kicked back with his foot trying to kick the bag back stating again, ‘I don’t have nothing,’ ” the affidavit states.
Investigators said they found a .38 caliber revolver loaded with five cartridges in his car’s engine compartment that was reported stolen in November 2007.
Sheriff’s investigators arrested Wiley, listed as an unemployed Palm Coast resident, on charges including possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, possession of cocaine with intent to sell, possession of cocaine, carrying a concealed firearm, escape, criminal mischief, resisting arrest without violence, possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of stolen firearm.
Thank you Lord for this story. After the week I’ve had, this was a real toot, er, ahh, hoot. I love stories where I can just hoot out loud and people wonder what the heck I was laughing about. Then, as a bonus, I get to tell them. And then on top of that, it’s really true.
He must have really wanted to break out of prison. I don’t think I’d risk that. With my luck, the pin would fall out...
As to the 16 inmates who swallowed mobile phones— I hope they had a decent friends and family plan... Can you hear me now?
Half the time I can’t even get a signal when I’m on the couch. Can’t imagine cell service to the bowels of the earth...
lol. I was going to post the same thing. Disturbed minds think alike... ;)
If he woudn’t have been caught, some druggie would have feces on their fingers....
“You’re Doing it Wrong!”
This gives new meaning to the expression “He sh!t a brick!”
This has been a day filled with laughter.
Projectile drughorea....
Silly, it wasn’t 22 grams of cocaine, it was 22 pounds of pot!
the teacher ask Little Johnny what happened on the bus ride to school and he told her that a dog was chasing a cat and the cat ran into the side of the bus! Well the dog was going so fast that it went right up the cats ***!! the teacher said RECTUM!!
Johnny said Rectum Hell Damn near killed him!!!
Wasn’t there was a FUGS song about this on the lp “Golden Filth”.
Happens to humblegunner all the time and it sometimes isn't cops ........
“Ya’ know what (mofo)? I’m gonna take yo coke and shove it up my @SS!”
His handlers had told him to swallow the package to avoid getting caught.
Then when you reach your destination, take a crap and recover the goods.
ALL THE GUY DID WAS AVOID THE MIDDLE MAN.
He knew where it was going to end up so he put it there first.
Like the man said, he must have done time before to enable him to place that ‘package’ in that orifice.
The entire sentence is one which would make any journalism school proud.
Investigator #1: "Well, it's been a long day, but we made a good bust, eh?"
Investigator #2 "Yep, a good bust." "Let's call it a day." "Heh, Heh, Go pick up the evidence that guy ummm ... lost."
Investigator #1: "Heh, Heh, Obviously, you forgot I have two days of seniority on you." "You go pick up that evidence!"
Investigator #2: "No way, man!"
Investigator #1: "Yes way, man!"
Gas Station Attendant: (rolling eyes, says into phone) "Sorry honey, looks like I'm going to be late getting home tonight." "The police are still trying to ummm ... collect all the evidence." "See you whenever."
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