Good for you. My husband is a recovered alcoholic/addict. He started going down hill after two spinal surgeries in two years. Yep. Followed in Brett Favre’s footsteps down ‘The Old Vicadin Mine-Strewn Path.’
Yee-Gawds. I’m glad I stuck it out, but what a nightmarish hell it was for the year it took him to get it together again! (Ten years ago.)
I went to a few Al-Anon meetings (for families) and what a bunch of enabling whiners! I couldn’t take it, so I did some one-on-one therapy with a psychiatric nurse who is also a dear friend of mine, and I did a lot of reading and research on my own. A lot. We went through couples therapy, too.
I thank God he chose me and the boys over alcohol and drugs. Al-Anon/AA is NOT for everyone, but it sure helps many.
“I went to a few Al-Anon meetings (for families) and what a bunch of enabling whiners!”
And that’s not to say that I hadn’t obviuosly been one, too. But enough was enough. I was waaaaaay past mad and ready to split with the kids and they were still in the ‘poor me’ phase. Me! Me! Me! Blech!
I went to Al-Anon for about 6 years and I know it was a very special group, they didn’t allow that but I have been to some that were worthless. It was my Al-Anon experience that helped me to help my husband when he got sober but my husband had the same opinion of AA.
“Al-Anon/AA is NOT for everyone, but it sure helps many.”
My Ex is a binge drinking alcoholic. I went to one Al-Anaon meeting 15 years ago and it was almost impossible to walk into the room, as if at that very moment I was admitting I had a problem in my life. But a very kind lady took me aside and let me know that it was OK.
I never went back but that one moment helped me to begin to realize it wasn’t my fault.
A couple of years after the divorce I took my son to an Alateen meeting after a he had a particularly brutal episode with his mother. I left him there and came back when it was over. His words were “Dad, I don’t need this, these kids parents are getting drunk and beating them every day. Mom just gets drunk at night.” So, we never went back but that was enough for him to realize it wasn’t his fault either.
He’s a sharp kid who has his is own way of dealing with his mom, keeps her at distance. The younger son took a more blunt route, he doesn’t see or speak to her anymore. And she’s fine with that in her own demented way.
I noticed that as well and just couldn't hack it. There were people there complaining about what their drunk mother/father had done....60 years earlier.
And it seemed to me that it wasn't possible to follow the Al-Alon or, for that matter, the AA model and also be a Christian and observe ones marriage vows.
After all, if it's a disease there's that "better or worse, sickness and health" clause and it looked to me that that was contrary to the AA/Al-Anon message.
I'm glad it works for some, no, I'm elated it works for some, but doggone if caring for my wife, drunk or not, makes me an "enabler" then it's not working for me.
Sorry, didn't mean to go off like that, but sheesh, there aren't too many outlets left...