So you lost your job because you were doing a little too much wheeling and dealing. It is hard to know what to do when you lose your job, especially if you still have teenagers living in the house. Now, the very fact that this crisis is largely of your own making means that it's not beyond your ability to solve. Your problems are rooted in past mistakes, not your capacity for future greatness. It will take time, perhaps many years, but you can rebuild that lost trust and confidence. You can restore opportunity and prosperity.
Steps
1. Announce a Family Recovery and Reinvestment Plan that will immediately jump-start job creation and long-term growth. Since the reason you are in trouble is that a job has been lost, you need to get a job, or better yet, two or three jobs. Only by having jobs in the family can you get yourself back up on your feet. But how are you going to get those jobs when no one is hiring? There is an easy answer.
2. Create jobs by hiring your family members. Just go out and do it. But what, you ask, are you going to hire them to do? And what are you going to use for money? The trick is to kill two birds with one stone, by putting your house into better shape at the same time as you create those jobs.
3. Pay your children to fix up your house. Hopefully you have a few children. The more the merrier. Pay one of them to paint the house green. Pay one to put new sod down on your tired lawn. Pay another one to renovate the kitchen. Won't it be grand to have that nice granite countertop you have always dreamed of? Now is the time! Since the entire family is in a terrible crisis, everyone will go along with your plan, and support it, no questions asked. Just tell them that because you are creating so many great new jobs, there will be gobs of money later. Possibly not this year, but by next year, things are really going to turn around and you will be in the pink. Certain luxuries were out of your reach before, but why shouldn't you get a few goodies out of this family crisis? Put a little weatherstripping in the mudroom and get a high def TV while you are at it.
4. Go to the bank and borrow a few hundred thousand dollars. You are going to be using this money to pay salaries to your children. Yes, it is really that simple. When you are in a terrible financial crisis, the answer is to borrow a huge amount of money. Now is not the time to worry about going into debt. Borrow three hundred thousand dollars. See how easy that is? Now you can pay them one hundred thousand dollars each. Your whole family will instantly go from being down and out, to living on easy street. It is time to set a new course for this family, and that change must begin now. Don't forget to set aside a very small portion of the money to buy a few condoms for your children. Especially if your wife Nancy thinks it's a good idea.
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Great illustration, but missed the point. YOU can’t print your own money. The Treasury can. They can create money out of thin air. So they can pay themselves and then print money to make it up. Big difference.