- Get a Bronx / Long Island accent.
- Apply gel.
- Purchase Madonna headset mic.
- "It was made in Germany". Repeat x3.
- Say "Look at this!" and "Ya follow me, camera guy?" a lot.
- ????
- PROFIT
Let's let Barry try..
Hi, it's Barry with ShamNow! You'll be saying Sham every time I sign a bill! It's like a chamois! It's like a towel! It's like a sponge. A regular bill doesn't get all your money - this works on paper money or pocket change. This is for the House, the Senate, the boat, the RV! ShamNow holds twenty times its weight in money. Look at this! It just does the work! Why do you want to work twice as hard? It doesn't drip, doesn't make a mess. You wring it out, launder it in the Senate. It is made in Germany, you know the Germans always make good stuff. You can cut it in half, use one as a bath mat, drain your dishes with the other one, use one as a towel. Olympic divers, they use it as a towel (no, you're a towel)
. Look at that! Completely broke! Put a business in it, roll it up, it sucks all the profit. Here's some oil, coal, natural gas and pet stains. Not only is the damage gonna be on top - there's your carbon. That is going to smell! See that? The most absorbing We're gonna do this in real time! Look at this! Put it on the profit, turn it over! Without even putting any pressure, fifty percent of the profit right there. You follow me, camera guy? The other fifty percent, the money starts to come up. No other towel's gonna do that! It acts like a vacuum! And look at this - virtually broke on the bottom! See what I'm telling ya? ShamNow! You'll be saying Sham every time!