You said, “I am concerned that step parent situations are not good for children and the parents regardless of their subjective feelings.”
Are you serious? The very subjective feelings of the children are absolutely the most important thing of all. I agree with you that many adopted children do wonder about their biological parents but there is a good reason for that - it’s a mystery and they often want to know the reasons they were cast aside. This is not so in a widow/widower situation. The children know what happened and if the new parent is loving it is a huge blessing to the children and the “step” parent as well.
I am in complete disagreement with all of your points and think you are very wrong. As a Christian, I am adopted into the family of God. I think adoption is wonderful and so I do not see biology the way you do. Love is far, far more powerful than biology. I don’t want to underestimate biology b/c I think there is a lot to nature insofar as our personalities. There is also useful information regarding our health status. However, love is powerful and strong and I think it trumps biology ANY day.
I, too am a Christian and I hope that I understand God’s will for human beings. I do think, and you will most likely agree, that children deserve that intact, biological family that God ordained from the beginning. Original sin explains death of a parent and divorce. Christ overcame death and condemned divorce.
That said, I must disagree with you. I realize I am saying things way out of the current social norm, but that does not mean my position is wrong. I think it is God’s position. I remember a woman on the Tonight Show saying she never remarried after her husband died because no one was good enough to raise her husband’s children. Not because there were not good people out there, but because her husband was their father.
Further, the subjective feelings of children are NOT absolutely the most important thing of all. What is good for the children in God’s plan is the most important thing regardless of transient feelings.
By the way, I hear that Laura Schlessinger says about the same?