GET OFF THE STREETS, YOU MORONS!
There should be one "Run Over A Bicyclist Day" per year.
(and I don't mean kids so lighten up, i mean yogurt eating %$%*ing yuppies)
Posted on 12/28/2008 5:38:02 AM PST by rhema
The commuting bicyclists are still out there, evidently sharing the work ethic of rural mail carriers, cowboys and Alaskan fishermen in small boats. Nothing stops them. Their numbers have dwindled, but those who remain dutifully bend into the wind and then, ridiculously, try to keep the machine upright in the worst of all possible conditions.
Sludge is what we are featuring now, that greasy stew of sand, salt, ice and water, all of it brown and flecking the leggings of determined bikers.
GET OFF THE STREETS, YOU MORONS!
OK, that might be a bit harsh, especially coming from me, as I have made my peace with the two-wheelers. But how about this? If bicyclists get to use the streets in the winter, then how about other forms of transportation also get to use the streets in the winter?
Now, in the summer, a bicyclist can reasonably share the street and we motorists should just as reasonably share the streets with the cyclist, yes, even if they are wearing tight shorts and Italian racing jerseys. It is always important to remember that at home, they too have a Chevy Suburban and a worn-out video of "Breaking Away.''
But in the winter, a cyclist is a menace to himself and to the motorist. Patrick Reusse, the plain-speaking sports columnist with the Enemy Paper, reported to me by telephone the following as he was heading to a Wild game the other night:
"Hey, what's with these bikers on Summit?''
"They are still out there,'' I replied.
"Well, if they fall down in front of me, I will run over them in their snowmobile suits and squash them like a bug.''
"That's dramatic.''
"Oh, I'll call 911 and tell them where the body is, but I ain't stoppin'."
I share his frustration. I imagine we all do. It must be a combination of extreme poverty, misplaced virtue, environmental theology, stubbornness and a contrarian nature that compels the winter bicyclist to navigate the rutted shoulder, or worse, just take up a lane and slow down the cars. I will not accept exercise as an excuse. What I witness is not exercise, but an improbable balancing act that mimics the first wobbly ride as a child.
As I was saying, if they get to be out there, then, say, snowmobiles should be allowed. Personally, I think it would be great to be able to use a snowmobile in the city, as they were, clandestinely, during the Halloween blizzard of 1991. It would be good for the economy, too, because some of the dealers — maybe they are getting relief this winter — still have sleds in the crates from five years ago. And snowmobiles are lit to automotive standards, while your typical biker has a little miner's lamp attached to his helmet, spilling at best a rheumy drool of light. For a taillight, the biker uses what appears to be a blinking red clown nose.
Or, how about DN iceboats? "DN" stands for Detroit News. They are small iceboats, 12 feet long with an 8-foot beam, with one sail. It is hard to remember, but newspapers must have been so important back in the day that boats were actually named for them, in this case as a result of a design contest the Detroit News sponsored in 1936. These babies are fast and maneuverable, and think of the money we could save by not plowing or salting the streets.
At the very least, the cyclists themselves could get inventive by removing the wheels and attaching blades or skis. And then, copying a DaVinci architectural doodling, they could rig a mast and some sails and ropes and pulleys and go surfing down Summit well ahead of Reusse and the rest of us who have accepted the reality of winter and continue to favor automobiles and trucks with working heaters.
Strong proof that the natural selection part of Darwin’s theory has merit. His Theory may not explain the origins of man, but it sure clears up that thinning of the heard part when it comes to making a healthy species...
Good thinking. Felony hit & run.
My joints ache just reading this article.
GET OFF THE STREETS, YOU MORONS!
There should be one "Run Over A Bicyclist Day" per year.
(and I don't mean kids so lighten up, i mean yogurt eating %$%*ing yuppies)
No. Good hyperbolic expression of exasperation.
I just can’t figure out why so many Americans are fat. Let me re-read the article to remember.
I used to bike commute when I could. I took the time to learn the rules of the road (e.g., the law). Where I lived, 2/3 of the cyclists obeyed it and 25% of the cars did.
Typically, pedestrians have the right of way, then cyclists, then cars. That’s oversimplified, but a decent rule of thumb.
I moved to Texas and only ride on occasion. The immigrants here follow no rules, either in their cars, on their bikes or while walking.
To anyone wishing to follow the advice of the author, a decent number of cyclists have conceal carry permits. I wouldn’t threaten one if I were you, no matter how cute you think it is.
It would be a pretty neat trick to carry under blue spandex.
Bullies in cars or bullies on bicycles are the same.
But I’m really happy in Texas where someone threatening me can be told to stop and know that I mean it.
I was almost mowed down by some fool in a Mercedes when he drove onto the bike path. It was more important that he tell me he needed to get to the airport.
I’m still reminded of the illegal who killed that bicyclist at White Rock Lake. The only reason they caught the guy was she was famous. Not famous enough for me to know her name.
There should be a "Pull the ignorant little hick yelling 'get on the sidewalk' from the protection of his Ford pickup, and beat the little coward senseless with your bare hands" day per week.
I agree, but they’re usually Chevy pick ups. I’ve seen aholes not giving right of way to a blind person. Cowards
You'll be looking for a gun after the 2nd bicyclist cuts in front of you on the street.
Not all of us bother with spandex.
I get a little lazy carrying all the time and sometimes it’s just a little PPK.
On my bike, it’s always the carry pistol on my profile page with extra ammo. Your rule should be not to threaten me. Not with a weapon or your car. If we all follow the rules of the road, we all get where we’re going safe and sound.
Common sense sould indicate "the big boat rule" is in effect, even though these incidents are on land.
Most of the cyclists I've encountered are self-rightous enviromental nutcases who are gonna do their part to save mamma earth, whether others want to slow down to assist them or not. As for the guns, I think anyone willing to wear one those gay helmets is WAY too concerned about safety to ever consider carrying something as “dangerous” as a gun. Keep the toys and spandex on the trails meant for such play. I've got a bumper AND a .357, and I don't have to dig through a gay looking fannypack to get to it.
When I was a kid, I loved riding my bike in the winter on ice or in snow. First you had to pry the tires loose, since they were frozen to the ground. The seat was usually covered with snow or ice and it took my butt a while to melt it. Pedalling took a bit of practice, since every time you push down on the pedal, the back tire kicked out to the side.
I wanted to take the tires off and drive short nails from the inside so I could have studded tires, but I never got around to it.
On land, it’s the “little vehicle” rule where common sense dictates the person most vulnerable has more protection from the law.
It would also help if the roads had more bike lanes to accomodate those cyclists. A person on a bike has to dodge cars, pedestrians, missing sewer covers, trash in the gutter and potholes.
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