“Now she may have a valid reason for that outlook, but if she does, then she should come clean with the man and explain what is causing the mood. If he is displeasing her in some way, she must tell him, or get back to loving him fully.”
OK - let me put it this way.
Think of a time at work where it’s super-hectic, and you’ve got a huge “to-do” list running in your head.
You don’t have enough time to get it all done, and everything on your list is important.
In the middle of the craziness - a buddy stops by your office, sits down, and wants to visit.
Your laundry list is still running in your head - you aren’t into the conversation with your buddy because your mind is elsewhere.
It isn’t that you don’t like your buddy, or even that talking to him isn’t important to you.
Your buddy thinks you’re giving him the could shoulder and leaves your office feeling slighted.
—Think of a time at work where it’s super-hectic, and you’ve got a huge “to-do” list running in your head. You don’t have enough time to get it all done, and everything on your list is important.
But if you are like that day-after-day, then there is something wrong with your approach to work and your buddy is going to stop trying to engage you.
I have the same problem most men have in marriage regarding less lovemaking than I’d like. The flaw that I see in your analogy is treating the husband as a “buddy” from work. To continue with your analogy, I wonder if making love with the husband is even ON many wives’ “list,” and if so, where on that it list it is placed in priority. If it isn’t on the list, the chance of getting it “done” is pretty low. Ask a wife what is on her list on a particular day, and see if having sex makes that list. Then ask the next day, and the next... This is the problem many men, including myself, have. If we don’t even make the list, how is that NOT being rejected? Very few wives have to wonder if their husband would like to have sex on a particular day. They know he WOULD. Failing to make time for him, knowing that it is important, is no different than telling him he just doesn’t matter.
How many times will the buddy come back to visit before deciding to go to the bar instead ???
occassional rebuff are understood, especially when the 'laundry list' is equally expressed...
>>Think of a time at work where it’s super-hectic, and you’ve got a huge “to-do” list running in your head.
You don’t have enough time to get it all done, and everything on your list is important.<<
Unless one of the items is “get cookies out of oven in 3.5 minutes”, my wife has no problem dropping the list and coming back to it in a half hour, with me helping. Shoot, sometimes it’s HER that makes the move to temporarily abandon the list. ;)
It’s not that important in the general scheme of things.
I have spent time working 12 to 15 hour days for long periods of time. Somehow I still found a way to be intimate with my wife. It wasn’t a burden. It wasn’t work on my part. It never even occurred to me to tell her to wait a few months until it was over.
If you think there are reasons why you should be able to say no, then I think you’re cheating yourself more than you know. And you are cheating your husband as well.
Intimacy is the reward at the end of the day. If you can’t stand to get close to your mate and fall in love for an hour or so every few days, I am sorry.
It’s all about priorities. There is nothing more important to me than being intimate with my wife.
If a family crisis comes up or a natural disaster, of course there will be interruptions. By and large, those are the rare exception.