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Marry Him! The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough
Atlantic Monthly ^
| March 2008
| Lori Gottlieb
Posted on 02/14/2008 6:25:05 AM PST by reaganaut1
click here to read article
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To: Froufrou
Its a question to ask yourself.
121
posted on
02/14/2008 8:14:30 AM PST
by
edcoil
(Go Great in 08 ... Slide into 09)
To: reaganaut1
For one thing, studies have shown they have better sex lives than single people. After the last two nights, I say this is true. :>))
To: edcoil
I understand that, but you’re leaving out the obvious: beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
To: NCLaw441
Marry the person you could not spend the rest of your life WITHOUT. Good advice.
124
posted on
02/14/2008 8:15:31 AM PST
by
LucyT
To: rintense
I’m glad to hear that I’m not alone in that feeling. Thanks for the confirmation that I’m not crazy.
125
posted on
02/14/2008 8:16:24 AM PST
by
CSM
(Kakistocracy: Government by the least qualified or most unprincipled citizens.)
To: TalonDJ
Erm,
a,
no....
Not the ones that I’m talking about-—
The biggest common denominator is they are very good in bed (seems to be a common complaint amoungst even freeper wives-— some guys just don’t get what good sex is to a woman)
The guys in these books do.
126
posted on
02/14/2008 8:16:38 AM PST
by
najida
(I am so grateful that stupid isn't contagious.)
To: Ouderkirk
No self respecting man wants to provide for the progeny of another. He wont love the progeny of another the way that he loves his own. He wont make the sacrifices for the progeny of another the way he will for his own.Then I guess I'm not self respecting.
127
posted on
02/14/2008 8:16:46 AM PST
by
null and void
(President Hillary!™ Clinton? Time to invest in body bags. Again...)
To: najida
I kinda like my own company :)
128
posted on
02/14/2008 8:16:53 AM PST
by
Bitsy
To: CSM
However, Ive had some women break it off very early because I wasnt acting fast enough.Those are the types to be very afraid of. They are using the sex to pin you down, possess you and will make your life miserable when you spurn them.
129
posted on
02/14/2008 8:17:19 AM PST
by
Pistolshot
(Remember, no matter how bad your life is, someone is watching and enjoying your suffering.)
To: Froufrou
We are not talking about looks at all. I am talking about each person as a human being and the values they live by.
btw, beauty maybe in the eye of the beholder but ugly, is to the bone.
130
posted on
02/14/2008 8:18:40 AM PST
by
edcoil
(Go Great in 08 ... Slide into 09)
To: najida
You have to be able to function without it- give it away yes, but you cant be so hungry for it that youll take crumbs when you deserve the whole cake. Great observation.
131
posted on
02/14/2008 8:20:18 AM PST
by
Tax-chick
("Good guy wins, bad guy gets dead. Nothing to cry over here." ~ trimom)
To: TalonDJ
Oh,
and these guys are bloody, muddy, hairy, scarred macho....we ain’t talkin’ suits (OK, so I just read all of JRW’s BDB over the weekend).
132
posted on
02/14/2008 8:20:23 AM PST
by
najida
(I am so grateful that stupid isn't contagious.)
To: edcoil
Ugly IS to the bone. And very often it is the most physically beautiful who are the ugliest inside.
To: Pistolshot
“They are using the sex to pin you down, possess you and will make your life miserable when you spurn them.”
You are 100% correct and it is definitely a lessoned learned. I will never repeat that mistake again.
134
posted on
02/14/2008 8:20:57 AM PST
by
CSM
(Kakistocracy: Government by the least qualified or most unprincipled citizens.)
To: JoanVarga
Perhaps, but you will hardly find many guys who will sacrifice their lives because they won’t ‘settle’ for less then their ‘Playboy Centerfold Dream Girl’.
135
posted on
02/14/2008 8:21:23 AM PST
by
Post Toasties
(It's not a smear if it's true.)
To: najida
I am a very strong believer that the worst thing anyone can do is think they HAVE to find love. You have to be able to function without it-
Oh I totally agree there. I worked hard to be where I was happy not being married before ever found Jen. I knew there were things I wanted out of marriage but I wanted to be happy with who I was and more or less where I was. Having achieved that and then not settling on the woman part made it so getting married was actually a surprisingly small change in life in general. Not small, but smaller than I expected or had been lead to believe. If you have to change your whole life and everything you do in order to be married then you are not likely to be happy. Of course that does not count the things you ADD to your life or reprioritzations. It was not that I was unwilling to change a lot. It was that by not setting on the actual things that really mattered I did not have to.
As much as I like the sound of 'find that person you can't live without' I did not do that at all. Pretty much the reverse. I think that might work differently depending on what age you get married.
136
posted on
02/14/2008 8:22:16 AM PST
by
TalonDJ
To: Tax-chick
Its hardly an original observation, but just as important as marrying, not THE right person, but A right person (there are a lot of Right People out there) is being, or becoming, a right person. Pat yourself on the back, you are the only one who got it. That's what's missing from all of these threads - the fundamental truth that you can't change anyone else, you have to change yourself. By doing so you will naturally attract people more like the improved you into your life, and naturally repel the problem people. If you think your life is going to be made better by someone else if you can just trick them into liking you long enough to put a ring on your finger, there's no hope for you. You can't trick even the densest person into loving you for more than a few months. You have to continue to grow and be worthy of it. Love is a decision you have to make all over again each morning - but nobody wants to accept that.
And sitting around complaining about how bad the opposite sex behaves just guarantees that you will attract nothing but spectacularly bad specimens. ;)
137
posted on
02/14/2008 8:23:23 AM PST
by
Mr. Jeeves
("Wise men don't need to debate; men who need to debate are not wise." -- Tao Te Ching)
To: najida
Guys are not born knowing that. They need hints. Of course communication is key. If you ain’t talking about the issue then it is not changing.
138
posted on
02/14/2008 8:24:48 AM PST
by
TalonDJ
To: Tax-chick
Again,
an observation-— a good friend and I have had very similar lives. She’s married, but it’s a huge struggle for her to be happy in marriage, her basic instinct is for seperation-— her hubby can’t fathom why marriage isn’t the perfect state. But he got it honest....
Her FIL is someone who married purely to have a ‘female in the house’....he could not stand being alone after his wife died. So he dated and he found a woman who wanted to be married.
Sadly, he was this super-modern, neat, everything in it’s place person and he’s found himself married to a woman who loves doilies and pot pourri. He’s miserable. But he married out of fear.
The reasons for marriage is far more important than the emotions.
139
posted on
02/14/2008 8:26:56 AM PST
by
najida
(I am so grateful that stupid isn't contagious.)
To: reaganaut1
Unfortunately for a growing number of women, men are increasingly afraid of marrying them. The laws, you know, the one that were supposed to empower women.
If anyone were, for example, presented with a contract, a court supported feature of which was one party could, at any time, shoot the other party dead with no consequences, the reluctance to enter into it would increase with the body count.
140
posted on
02/14/2008 8:28:33 AM PST
by
William Terrell
(Individuals can exist without government but government can't exist without individuals.)
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