Posted on 12/19/2007 9:16:51 AM PST by IowaHawk
An Iowahawk Salute to America's Corn-Crazy Electoral Overlords
Every four years, America kicks off its time-honored democratic ritual of selecting the next president of the United States. As always this process begins with the Iowa Caucuses, which will have an important say in determining the final nominees. And, as always, this process is marked by another time-honored ritual: millions of angry non-Iowans asking, "who died and made that stupid state God?"
As a native of the Hawkeye State, with family roots stretching five generations deep into the fertile black topsoil of America's heartland pork basket, I have roll my eyes when I hear these ignorant, envious complaints, which sometimes shows up in cruel jokes like "do you know what 'Iowa' stands for? Idiots Out Walking Around!" Hardy har har. Well guess what? You never hear Iowans joking about "Nerds Eating Weak Yellowy Overcooked Rubbery Kernels" or "Corn Appears Like It's For Old Rats, Not Iowa Animals." We could, but we don't, because we're not a bunch of jealous, insecure people with inferiority complexes about our corn production, and ear length and girth, like some 'Super Tuesday' states I could name.
Unfortunately, the jealous resentment of non-Iowa states sometimes takes a more pernicious form, such as trying to "leapfrog" Iowa by scheduling their primaries earlier and earlier. Nice try, non-Iowa states. You want to move to January 20th? Fine, we'll reschedule to the 14th. January 7, you say? We'll take Christmas Eve. No matter how early you set your political alarm clocks, Iowa will already be down in the electoral kitchen, waiting to serve you a couple of delicious sizzling strips of candidate bacon from our caucus frying pan. It's our job, and it's not like we've got anything better to do.
If you are a political activist from one of the various non-Iowa states, let me first say I understand the hurt and frustration and resentment you probably feel toward my state, and the overwhelming attention it gets during the campaign season. But I will also tell you that the most important step toward healing is acceptance: acceptance of your own natural insignificance, and the fact that Iowa will always be first because it is the one state uniquely qualified to be America's official Presidential Sniff Tester.
Let's look at the facts:
Democrats DESPERATELY tried to avoid this fiasco, and spent MILLIONS trying to do so...
This entire scenario is upsetting the apple-cart they have so delicately atempted to front-load for Her Highness..
GREAT JOB IOWANS!
No matter how this turns out, she is damaged goods now, and the sheeple are beginning to pay attention.
There are two dealers there on the strip. Whether one’s the same guy I don’t know, but one sells Honda now according to the phonebook. The other doesn’t specify.
Triumph still make bikes? I can’t remember if it’s them or Indian that’s still in business. Don’t know my bikes very well.
I hear your point...I'm not suggesting that a candidate would necessarily "sue" the state of Iowa, but perhaps they could could the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals to place an injunction on the entire voting process...surely, it would move quickly to the USSC, but it might be enough to cause problems.
Hey, I never though Al Gore would challenge the vote in 2000 as far as he did, either.
LOL!
It's just not fair that you can write well with humor AND provide quippy replies to others!
Sa-WEET!!!
Oh I’m sure he has some wild stories if he’s like other people I know from Keokuk. My dad called on Hubinger’s, now Roquette as an industrial supplier. I’ll see if he knew Dale.
LOL
And here I thought it was for his we.need.more.illegal.aliens.to.work.the.farms program
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