Kevlar Speedo. check.
Extra cigars. check.
Windproof lighter. check.
Cash for dancers. check.
Credit card for vendors. check.
Round key for gas cap. check.
Deodorant smudged into arm pits. check.
Fingerless gloves. check.
Cellphone charged. check.
Looked up in sky for clouds. check.
Took BP meds, arthritis meds, pain meds, coffee. check.
Start bike. check.
Back out of driveway, fall over. check.
Crawl out from under bike, push helmet off, let fall and break, self brain scan for excess pain. check.
Go inside, remove kevlar speedo. check
Watch football till 8 guys come over and help stand bike up. check.
Watching a traffic intersection anywhere in Puerto Rico around noon will delight you with the most amazing display of gridlock you’ll ever see. It’s a beautiful thing to behold.
But ride there? Are you kidding me?! You can’t possibly wear enough protective gear to protect you there; it simply doesn’t exist. Better to go with Joe’s Plan B . . .