If you think that insulting me and mocking my God is the way to win me over, you've got another thing coming.
You could use a little more humility. Ultimately, you will receive some.
You wrote, “As it happens, my own religious denomination has found no conflict with evolution for over 100 years.”
My point is that evolution is just not consistent with how Scripture describes “all this” coming into existence. If you and your church preach something extra-biblical, something that is clearly different and incompatible with Scripture as it’s plainly written, then you’re in a frightening place, as you’re either implying or outright saying that the God of creation is so impotent that He’s unable to assure that Scripture is accurate, or that He lied when He communicated His truth with humanity. We’re told in Revelation not to alter any of it, are we not?
Again, it may sound harsh, but a church that preaches something contrary to Scripture is preaching a God different from Scripture, a God who is impotent and aloof from the creation process, and perhaps a liar as well.
As for me, I’ll believe Scripture, which is consistent with the evidence about how “all this” came into being.