ALITO'S CONFIRMATION
But until the second Alito is confirmed, there are certain unorthodox methods of getting things done outside of the legal system. We have our own secret deals and it's time to pull together and go into overdrive!
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WITCHES AND RADICAL FAERIES: I know it's short notice, but see what you can do.
DC PROSTITUTES: Have your cellphone cameras ready to snap Alito the moment he disrobes. We'll make his wife cry, alright.
TAXI AND LIMOUSINE DRIVERS OF DC: Be prepared to lose your job to ensure that Alito is late for each appointment. If you can take a detour and "break down" so that he misses or is late for his actual confirmation, it's a touchdown. And with the press you'd get you could probably start your own DEMOCRATS ONLY car service in the capitol.
DC HAIRDRESSERS: Could you "mess up" on his next appointment and send him to court with a bright new color, patchwork bleach job or mohawk? International press would pick up on the humiliation.
DC TAILORS/ROBE CLEANERS: Have lice and scabies specimens on hand.
FOOD SERVICE WORKERS: I would hate for anyone to get food poisoning and miss work, but....