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May I ask what the dickens is a carbon credit?

You don't know what a carbon credit is? Get thee to the blessed sacrament of rehab immediately!

You must buy carbon ~~indulgences~~ credits from Algore's company to offset any carbon dioxide you produce going to and from the blessed sacrament of rehab. After leaving the blessed sacrament of rehab, you must say five "Our Gaias" and five "Hail Gaias". What? You don't know the words that Algore gave us? Shame!

Our Gaia
Our Gaia, who art in Ozone,
Hallowed be your name!
Your kingdom has come,
Your will will be done,
On Earth, as it was before the evil white man soiled Earth.
Give us this day our free government handout,
and grant us rehab for our trespasses,
as we forgive those who have gone to rehab before us.
And let us live a carbon-neutral lifestyle,
as you smite those who do not with hurricanes and disasters.
For the kingdom, the power and the glory are yours (and Algore's)
For ever and ever.
Amen.

Hail Gaia
Hail Gaia, full of smite,
The world is one with thee!
Blessed art thou among vegans,
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Algore.
Holy Gaia,
Mother of Algore,
Help us carbon emitters,
Now and at the hour of our rehab.
Amen.